Tuesday, September 7, 2010

If you give a girl some homework...

She will reluctantly pull out her book and thumb through the assigned pages, not to take inventory of the topics, but to feel the overwhelming weight of her task between her thumb and index finger.  She will do a rough mental calculation of the time it will take her to complete the reading and realize that she has already waited too long to be on schedule.  So she might as well eat dinner first.

She will pull out the box of pizza that she's had in her fridge for a few days, throw a slice onto the pan that has been sitting out from previous pizza warmings, pop it in the oven, and turn the dial to 350.  But she knows it will be a while before it's ready, so she will bide the time by eating fistfulls of picked-over trail mix.

As she shuffles through the pumpkin seeds to uncover bits of chocolate, her mind will, against her will, draw her back to the assignment she has to do.  She will look loathingly at the book and try desperately to muster up the desire to read it.  Then, a brilliant idea will strike!  She will realize that studying will be so much more enjoyable if she has some snazzy notebooks to record all of her newly acquired knowledge!

She will take two steps to cover the distance between the kitchen and the "office" in her tiny apartment, rifle through some piles of papers and junk drawers, and emerge with a spiral notebook, a wrinkled sheet of scrapbook paper, a couple of old magazines, a ruler, a mechanical pencil, a pair of sewing scissors, a glue stick, and some clear packing tape.  She will become giddy just thinking of all of the crafty possibilities!

She will spend well over an hour searching for just the right letters - an "e" that isn't too small, an "n" in a shade of green that will compliment the many "s"s near it - and will even consider the practical measure of keeping a running stock of cut out magazine letters on hand for future projects (until she realizes that this behavior would be appreciated and supported only by kidnappers).

As she hovers over the spiral notebook, meticulously gluing each element in its place, she will wonder why she suddenly feels warm and hears a slight gurgling sound.  She will cock her head to the side, follow the noise with her eyes, and realize about 20 minutes too late that her pizza is ready.

She will gently lay down the unfinished spiral, take two giant but light-on-her-feet leaps into the kitchen (no stomping around up here!), swipe a dish towel from the refrigerator door (and remind herself for the 7, 846, 232 time to look for potholders next time she's out), lower the oven door, and extract a crunchy brown triangle of mozzarella and dehydrated spinach.  She will be disappointed, but she will eat the entire thing...tooth-endangering bite by tooth-endangering bite.

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand (always a lady), she will return to her latest endeavor in academia, gluing down the last of the colorful stripes, adding a decorative sticker for good measure, and layering tape over her masterpiece so that it can stand the test of time.  Yeah, she plans on holding onto these for a while.

As she steps back to admire her work, she will take note of the scraps of paper strewn about the floor and will proceed to crawl around on her hands and knees Cinderella style, picking bits of magazine and tape out of the carpet.  She might also find a crumb or two, which she tosses in the direction of her charming pup.  It will occur to her that she needs to vacuum, but she won't want to do it.  She will instead try to think of something else that is more important than housework, and her homework will come to mind.

She will reach for her book once again, sprawl out on the not-so-spotless floor, and force her way through ten or fifteen pages.  In agony, she will refer to her syllabus for the hundredth time to make sure that she is really supposed to read this cruel amount of information, and as her hand lifts the cover of her Avery EZ-Turn View Binder (her favorite), a brilliant thought rescues her: binder covers!


Epilogue
Satisfied and maybe even a bit smug about her humorous blog entry, she will wander into the kitchen to snap a few pictures of her handiwork.  As she rounds the corner of the kitchen island, she will notice that it is particularly warm...and that her oven is still on!  She will consider starting up a small decorative office supply business to cover the cost of her electric bills.

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