virtual advice

Since my last post, I spent two hours on the phone with my internet service provider to get help setting up my wireless router.  Not only did the customer service representative fail to help me set it up, but she and her team of professionals managed to somehow ruin my modem so that I lost internet service altogether, hence my absence from the cyber world.  Joy.

On top of that, my computer takes about thirty-two minutes to power on and has five vertical neon lines that refuse to leave the right side of the screen.  Clicking on the little arrows to scroll up or down is like playing pin the tail on the donkey, only way less fun.  As much as I hate to do it, I'm gonna have to make like a middle-aged man and trade my old model in for a younger, faster version.  And because I know nothing about computers (really...if you ask me what kind I want, I'll probably say, "a cute one"), all suggestions are welcome!

P.S. In case my lack of cable and internet was not enough, my DVD player decided to play a little trick on me as well.  No worries though.  I have outsmarted it.  All I have to do is...

• Crawl under the entertainment center (I use that term loosely.  It's really a shoe-shelf from Ikea circa 2002).
• Push the power button on the power strip twice in rapid succession.
• Jump up to the DVD player before the TV makes a clicking noise (what is that?).
• Press the power button on the DVD player.
• Press the open/close button several times until the DVD player makes a whirring noise.
• Let the tray open and close once (it will do this without prompting).
• Press the open button again.
• Insert DVD.
• Press menu on the remote.
• Go to scene selections.
• Select scene 1 (NEVER attempt to "play movie").
• Relax and enjoy your state-of-the-art entertainment!

Note: if at any point you make a false move, repeat all previous steps.