twenty-eight

In celebration of my 28th birthday, 28 things you may not know about me…

one
I think quart-size ziplock bags are the bee's knees.

two
In sixth grade, my tears over watching my crush kiss a girl on the cheek at a school dance were immediately stopped by the suggestion of a happy meal…this girl loved her some chicken McNuggets!

three
I once broke our VCR by putting The Little Mermaid in upside down and backwards. While my mom MacGyvered it out with a ruler and a number 2 pencil, I jumped on her exercise trampoline and promptly threw up the can of Spaghettios I had just eaten. We kept both the VCR and the trampoline for at least seven more years.

four

One of my favorite outfits in junior high was a red top with matching shorts. They had little white circles painted on them. When it was hot outside, that outfit left little white circles all over the bus seat. It was kind of awesome!

five
In elementary school, I pushed a kid who was walking in front of me and made him swallow a quarter. Not my fault. What the heck was he doing with a quarter in his mouth anyway?!

six
When I was a kid, I had my very own set of kitchen spoons. They were my favorite toys. I dug holes in the yard with them.

seven
I was a terror in daycare. I bit lots of people and was punished by washing my mouth out with soap. Consequently, bath time was a bit confusing for me. Ivory soap was particularly tasty!

eight
In college, I went out dancing a total of two times. The first time, I stood in the corner with my corduroy jacket (sexy, eh?) wrapped tightly around me, scowling at the madness that was going on right before my very eyes. The second time, I ventured out onto the dance floor with a swing enthusiast. It was a country bar. We did a lot of spinning and then literally sprinted to another corner to spin some more until the crowd caught up with us and it was time to run again. It was exhausting…and slightly embarrassing.

nine
I kind of wish that two-stepping was an admired ability because I’m more than decent at it.

ten

I once tore a page out of a hymnal and used it as toilet paper. It was my sixth week in a third world country, and I had had about all I could stand. I flipped through the book first and chose a song I didn’t recognize. The chances of them ever singing it were slim to none anyway.

eleven
I used to tell people that I had a crush on Danny Devito. Turns out that’s not the guy who plays Danny in Grease.

twelve
I tend to make super awkward faces when trying to smile at cute guys. My friend Angela has named them. A favorite is “stroke face”…only half of my mouth moves, and the other half just stays in place. It’s adorable (refer to picture with fun fact number four).

thirteen
Just a few weeks ago, I ended up stranded at the grocery store. I had just purchased a watermelon. My solution was to go to the barber shop next door and use their phone to call my mom to come get me. So I did. I walked in with the watermelon, explained that I needed to use the phone to have my mom come pick me up, and waited with a very nice woman who looked quite concerned for me. There was a cute guy in there getting his hair cut. I made stroke face at him. He was not amused.

fourteen
In second grade, I inherited a hand-me-down jumpsuit from my cousin Katie. It had a grey body with a zipper down the front, a yellow sleeve, a pink sleeve, a purple leg, and a blue leg. It looked kind of like feety pajamas, and I was elated to finally receive it! I was so elated, in fact, that when I went to the restroom at school and the yellow sleeve fell in the toilet, I simply wrung it out, slid my arm back into it, zipped up, washed my hands (no germs for this girl!), and returned to class. I was determined not to take another trip to the nurse’s office and end up wearing boy jeans while holding my clothes in a Walmart bag! Keep reading...you'll understand.

fifteen
I once wet my pants in elementary school because I couldn’t get the bathroom door to lock. When I explained the incident to my dad, he asked, “Why didn’t you just leave the door unlocked?” At that point, I realized that my dad was definitely smarter than me!

sixteen
My first vacuum cleaner purchase was the direct result of a small but terrifying kitchen fire. While trying to boil water, I put the pot on one burner and ignited a different burner that had a dishtowel strewn over it. I frantically emptied a box of baking soda onto the stove to put the fire out…and I bought a vacuum cleaner to clean up the baking soda. Too bad, too…I had lived in that apartment for a year without vacuuming!

seventeen
Once, when I was shopping with my aunt and cousin, I tried to slip a necklace over my head and was startled when the strand broke and beads went flying with incredible force in all directions. I looked at the jewelry card in my hand and read the small print at the bottom: anklet.

eighteen
In high school, I electrocuted myself three times within a period of one week. A word of advice to all the Holly Housewives: don’t pick the toaster up by the slots while wiping down the countertop with a wet cloth.

nineteen
Next to Jesus, my Pappaw was the most joy-inspiring person to walk this earth. He taught me how to sing Pancho and Lefty, how to drive a stick-shift, and how to rate the poison level of a jelly fish based on the number of “testacles” it had. Did I mention that he sometimes got me into trouble?

twenty
I eat sandwiches and burgers in concentric circles. The best bite is right in the middle, and you have to save it for last!

twenty-one
I am notorious for stealing drinks. If you have a beer within a five foot radius of me, and you turn your head for more than three seconds, then you have officially donated to the Leslie Howell Happy Hour!

twenty-two
The only time I have ever wrapped a house was on my thirteenth birthday. I asked permission first and cleaned it up the next day.

twenty-three
My freshman year of college, I flew off of a treadmill and into some metal bleachers. It was loud, and people stared. No worries though…I redeemed myself by immediately leaping back onto the treadmill and flailing my arms about until one of my fingers found the power button and turned the machine off. Guess what? Turns out you don’t actually have to be on the machine to turn it off. Go figure!

twenty-four
A week after the treadmill incident, I went running outside (you know, because it’s safer than a treadmill) and tripped on a wheelchair ramp in the busiest intersection on campus. Again, people stared, and again, I made quite the resilient comeback by springing right back up and running to my dorm, where I quickly raided the medicine cabinet. I sported band-aids on the knees and shins for quite some time.

…Now that I think about it, maybe this half marathon is not the best of ideas.

twenty-five
I learned the hard way not to put floaties on your ankles. It’s bottoms up and a long wait for your friend to stop laughing and rescue you!

twenty-six
I once watched as a seeing eye dog led a man straight into some construction zone fencing. I wasn’t sure if offering to help would embarrass him. Upon hearing the man’s loud curses at his dog Barkley, another man ran up to offer him help and gave me the stink eye. I stand by my decision.

twenty-seven

If I had a band, I would call it The Fishnettes. We would wear fishnet hose, and all of our instruments would be shaped like fish. I already have the tambourine! Thanks, Angela!

twenty-eight
I went to transition because I tormented all the kids in my kindergarten class. At first, I was opposed to going, but when I realized we got not one but two recesses, I was in! Plus, I got a Mickey Mouse calculator from Eric Cuato (sigh) at the Christmas party, and I learned how to draw a woman bending over in her garden and a cat looking at itself in a mirror...totally useful skills!