too late to 'pologize?

Dear Concerned Father,

I am sorry for almost plowing over your daughter on the upper bunny fair...and I'm sorry for saying "sh--" when that happened.

Sincerely,
Flash of Blue

sneak peek

Here's a little preview of what my ski trip has been like so far:

On the first day, my ski instructor informed me that my pants were not meant to be worn as outerwear...they are aparently a base layer.  Good thing he told me this at the beginning of the day so I felt like an idiot for 6 more hours.  A very cold idiot.

Armed with some new ski pants, I hit the bunny slopes this morning looking oh-so-sporty.  And then I almost hit about 57 people waiting in the lift lines.  Imagine me flying down a hill, out of countrol and attempting to do "the wedge," yelling "SORRY!" as I slide about half an inch to the left of the lift line and fall in perfect hurdle stance, taking down a mesh fence in the process.  As if I didn't already feel ridiculous, the lady next to me decided she would be funny and yell, "Hey, this girl's trying to cut in line!"

Yep.  I'm a natural.  Cross your fingers for a safe day on the real slopes tomorrow...especially if you're on them with me!

virtual advice

Since my last post, I spent two hours on the phone with my internet service provider to get help setting up my wireless router.  Not only did the customer service representative fail to help me set it up, but she and her team of professionals managed to somehow ruin my modem so that I lost internet service altogether, hence my absence from the cyber world.  Joy.

On top of that, my computer takes about thirty-two minutes to power on and has five vertical neon lines that refuse to leave the right side of the screen.  Clicking on the little arrows to scroll up or down is like playing pin the tail on the donkey, only way less fun.  As much as I hate to do it, I'm gonna have to make like a middle-aged man and trade my old model in for a younger, faster version.  And because I know nothing about computers (really...if you ask me what kind I want, I'll probably say, "a cute one"), all suggestions are welcome!

P.S. In case my lack of cable and internet was not enough, my DVD player decided to play a little trick on me as well.  No worries though.  I have outsmarted it.  All I have to do is...

• Crawl under the entertainment center (I use that term loosely.  It's really a shoe-shelf from Ikea circa 2002).
• Push the power button on the power strip twice in rapid succession.
• Jump up to the DVD player before the TV makes a clicking noise (what is that?).
• Press the power button on the DVD player.
• Press the open/close button several times until the DVD player makes a whirring noise.
• Let the tray open and close once (it will do this without prompting).
• Press the open button again.
• Insert DVD.
• Press menu on the remote.
• Go to scene selections.
• Select scene 1 (NEVER attempt to "play movie").
• Relax and enjoy your state-of-the-art entertainment!

Note: if at any point you make a false move, repeat all previous steps.

breaking point

In addition to work...

Find and read 5 articles on the treatment of dementia
Write a comprehensive case conceptualization
Write a final self evaluation
Somehow complete 4 hours of a cultural excursion
Write a reflection of cultural excursion experience
Study for final exam (read approximately 37 chapters)
Take final exam

...all by Wednesday

Could I not...

...remember my cousin's birthday?!  Happy belated birthday, Liz!  Sorry I'm a terrible cousin!  Feel free to forget my birthday next year...as I get older, that little act of forgetfulness becomes less and less offensive.

Could you not?

Could you not use crazy glue to attach the foil seal to the rim of the peanut butter jar? Who do you think is trying to break into those things anyway?!

Could you not play sappy love songs at the grocery store? Going to Kroger and trying to buy things in single portions is difficult enough as is; I don't need to be reminded that if I had a significant other, I could save some major cash and perhaps for once, the bread wouldn't go bad!

Could you not power walk behind me and wait for me to notice you before huffing by? There is a phrase for these occasions, and it goes a little something like this: "excuse me."

Could you not use the entire bottle of perfume in one giant douse? I know it was only three bucks at Wal-mart and smells just like the real thing, but that does not give you license to be gluttonous with it.

Could you not package hot dogs in eights and buns in sixes? I believe Steve Martin already demonstrated the madness that ensues when people automatically assume that hot dogs will always be consumed in multiples of 24.

Could you not play Red Red Wine on repeat? Believe it or not, there are other songs out there that can make you feel so fine and keep you rockin' all of the time.

Could you not ask me what I'm eating and then make a face when I tell you the answer? If it looks unappetizing to you, then why do want to know the name of it? Clearly it is not going to be on your grocery list!

Could you not flicker the lights to get everyone's attention? I mean, sure, you got our attention...and now we all kind of hate you. Your only saving grace is that you have probably damaged our eyes enough so that we will not recognize you, and even if we did, our depth perception would be so affected that none of our punches would land where intended.

Could you not lolligag in the parking lot when I'm clearly trying to park in the space where said lolligagging is occurring? On second thought, continue. I really like the word lolligag, and I'm not sure I'll have a reason to say it if you're not doing it. On third thought, I suppose it could be a win-win if you resist the urge to lolligag, and then I can say, "Hey, thanks! Way to not lolligag!"

Could you not have a cute little outdoor two-step lesson by the pond with your Barbie girlfriend while us single gals walk our dogs in the cold? We're tired, we're cranky, and we're not afraid to ask our precious pups to poop where your boot might land.

ghetto fabulous

I think maybe the best thing about apartment life is the fact that when Christmas rolls around, you can unplug the "special" lamp from the outlet that is controlled by a light switch and put your sparsely decorated and slightly tilted fake Christmas tree in its place.  A Christmas tree that lights up with the flip of a light switch?!  I've never seen that on Cribs!

Oh, also, there's the fact that when you're too cheap to pay for cable, you can peek across the street and try to read lips on your neighbor's giant television.

half (of the) full

When I was young, my mom started a tradition of buying me a Christmas ornament each year.  The idea was to create a collection that would one day adorn my very own tree, but most of them still stay at my mom's house.  They are kept in a box separate from all of the other ornaments, and I am the only person who is allowed to hang them on the tree.  I love to unwrap them from their tissue paper and remember all of the events that led me to such an odd assortment.  One of my favorites is a brittle-winged Tinkerbell that is no stranger to super glue.  I think she's in need of some pixie dust, because she sure has had some trouble flying!  Another ornament seems to defy the laws of gravity and pixie dust.  I begged and pleaded for an ugly flying pig with movable legs until my mom finally gave in.  The little guy likes to hang out on the back of the tree with all of the googly-eyed clothespin reindeer and baked clay wreaths.  But the effort I put into my persuasive pig-buying argument pales in comparison to the work that I put into obtaining this year's ornament.  It may have been free (if you don't count the registration fee), but it cost me more than a handful of Saturday mornings.  13.2 (yes, 2!) miles later, I can say that it was worth it!  My little Charlie Brown Christmas tree has never been so proud!  And neither have I!

Congratulations, Mack Pack!

on your mark...

The next time I post, I will have completed a half marathon!  I'm crazy nervous, like the night before the first day of school when you lay out all your clothes and pretend to sleep.  I have my socks tucked neatly in my shoes, my shirt and pants folded together, and a packet of peanuts all ready for my cold ears!  Wish me luck!

Roger that!

A brief conversation that I witnessed today...

Mr. Keppler: Hey, Roger.  Are you ready for the Employee of the Week announcement?

Roger: Yep!  Week 14, Employee of the week!  Woohoo!

Mr. Keppler: That's right!  We'll meet in Mr. Webb's room in ten minutes.  Go tell everyone.

Roger: Okay!  (turns to leave, then turns back around with his hand to his forehead)  Just one thing...

Mr. Keppler: What's that?

Roger: Who is Roger?

Mr. Keppler: (looking suspiciously at me and then at Roger)  That's you.  You're Roger.

Roger: Oh, okay.  Just checking.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who needs a break!

A very important P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beautiful cousin Becca!

no backing out (or up) now!

Tonight's run was the last one before the big day!  In the words of some character from Armageddon, "I'm 98% excited and 2% nervous...or 98% nervous and 2% excited.  I don't know.  That's what makes it so intense!"  Also adding to the intensity was the near car experience I had.  Typically, at small intersections, I like to cross the street behind the line of cars instead of in front of them.  The idea is to reduce the risk of being hit by said cars.  I apparently neglected to consider the possibility that the last driver in the middle lane would spontaneously change his mind, throw his Civic in reverse, and come within inches of super cautious me.  Luckily I have the reflexes of a cat...a cat that runs like Phoebe and yells "woooaaaahhh!"

Also, I'm quite certain that the set designer for Parenthood stole the couch from Golden Girls and put it in Crosby's boathouse.  Why do I know these things?!

a simple matter of ratios

For one of my classes, I am required to write a self-evaluation of how my experience in the class has changed me.  It's supposed to be two-pages long, which really works in my favor because that's exactly how much room I need.  One page for the B, and one page for the S.  I might have to adjust the font and margins a bit, but it shouldn't be a problem...I've had practice.

dilemmas and delusions

The Bravermans are my new favorite fake family.  I really wish I could come to their reunions, but that's silly.  I mean, that could never actually happen.  I'm not blood-related, and there aren't any single men my age to offer the hope of marrying my way in.  Also, I haven't yet figured out how to get inside my TV.

1996

Today in English, we talked about flashbacks, and wouldn't you know it...as I was driving to class this afternoon, a song came on the radio, and I had a little flashback of my own.  Let it be known that for some weird reason I remember that Mark Wills' "I Do Cherish You" was playing on the boombox when my cousin Katie and I stayed up all night watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and eating massive amounts of chocolate chocolate chip cake that we snuck out of the kitchen and into the game room.  Thank God for the flashbacks that save me from everyday life!

back on the grid

I know it's kind of generic, but in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for...

some super fun road trip companions
Buc-ees
a very patient dog
way more delicious food than I could eat
a happy family
a lazy movie day
an impromptu coffee break and shopping spree with some people who make me laugh a lot
running into an old college friend
a successful run around White Rock Lake
free sample day at Target (very handy after 10 miles on an empty stomach)
a mom who calls me just to say she loves me!

"It says right here, it is a dessert wine!"

I don't know the most effective method for counseling a Hispanic American teen who is struggling to establish her independence in a family that values unity and self-sacrifice...or exactly what ridiculous outfits I'll be forced to concoct from the contents of my rashly packed suitcase.  But I do know that Central Market's pumpkin pie gelato is worth every calorie, Middle Sister Drama Queen Pinot Grigio isn't too shabby, and the first two episodes of The Good Wife will leave you wanting more.  Here's to yet another unfinished paper, a suitcase that is likely filled with 27 pair of mismatched socks and no shoes, and a much enjoyed girls night in!

P.S. Major loss of cool points if you think the title is original.

blockBUSTED!

It is a little known fact that teachers exist outside of school.  They do crazy things like go out to eat, shop for groceries, get their cars washed, and rent movies.  You might not recognize them at first, because they tend to ditch their khaki pants and modest pencil skirts for jeans, but there's always the tell-tale cardigan or simple stud earrings or little ballet flats to give them away.  If you hear them answer to other names like Sarah or Jim or Ashley, don't be alarmed; count yourself lucky to have discovered the mystery of their "real" names.  But please don't tell anyone else the secrets to which you are privy.  For if you do, the entire balance of power may shift on its side and end in complete and utter mayhem.  Mayhem, I tell you!  And while we're on the topic of secrecy, mum's the word if you happen to be working the register at Blockbuster when your fourth period teacher strides in, pretends to peruse the new releases when in fact, she knows exactly the title she wants, and then casually lays 17 Again on the counter with a desperate look in her eyes that says, "I promise I don't ever dream of going back in time and reliving my high school years because my life now is everything I hoped it would be and more!"  Also, if she (or he...let's keep this totally hypothetical) has a few late charges for a long list of sappy romantic comedies, it's best to just let those slide.

look alive!

Warning to all those who participate in a Thanksgiving feast at work: unlike the real deal, post-meal activities do not include laying on an old couch and listening to your relatives yell at the television while they watch a football game you don't care about.  Keep in mind that after that last perfect bite of dressing with a little bit of cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes clinging to the side of your fork, you will be expected to do something productive.  Might I suggest opening a completed Excel sheet, placing your hand on your computer mouse, and settling in for a disguised upright snooze?

life is good

Ran 10 miles today, and around mile 8 when I needed a push, a woman rolled down her passenger window, gave me a thumbs up, and yelled, "You go, girl!"  And I did!

When I made it home, I limped around and cleaned the kitchen, straightened up the living room (aka: moved a pile of clothes from the couch to the bed), vacuumed, and did two loads of laundry.  As I was walking to get lunch, I thought to myself, "Wow...it's only noon, and I've been so productive!"

And then my check engine light came on.  I spent the next few hours intermittently watching The Family Stone (I heart you, Luke Wilson) and falling asleep (still heart you, Luke Wilson).  When I finally peeled myself off the couch, I decided it was time to give in to my Pumpkin Spice Latte craving, so I moseyed down the street to my neighborhood Starbucks.

Everything was going well until the barista announced, "It's buy one get one free on all holiday drinks right now.  Do you have a friend who would want one?"  And I had to say, with a line of patrons behind me, "No...no friends."  I felt the urge to follow up with, "I mean, I have friends.  I have a lot of friends.  I just won't see any of them before the drink gets cold," but I figured that might sound even more pathetic.

So I did my second single girl walk for the day...just me carrying my order for one back to my apartment.  But honestly, I've appreciated my downtime lately.  Good coffee, the smell of fresh laundry, and a little Taylor Swift in the background is not a bad gig.  Perhaps I was able to enjoy it because I knew it wouldn't last long.  In just a few hours I would be gussied up and mixing and mingling with some coworkers at a Photography Studio Open House.

Little did I know that I would also end up in a dance-off with a six-year-old.  She may not have known it was a dance-off, but let me tell you right now, if you're dancing at the same time as me, and you're not dancing with me, then it's a competition...and you are most likely losing, my friend!

So there you have it.  I championed the streets and the impromptu dance floor.  I drank more calories than some people eat in a day.  I watched a movie while it was still light outside.  And I loved every minute of it!

forgetful foodie strikes it rich

It was definitely a bad idea for a forgetful person like me to load up on prepared meals at Market Street and store them in the fridge at work on "WARNING: We will clean out the fridge this Friday at 4:00" week.  Guess who's out $20 and 4 dinners!

It's okay, though.  After eating a delicious dinner of popcorn and cereal (feel sorry for me yet?), I took Layla for a walk and found one of these on the sidewalk.

Yeah, that's right.  I'm a trillionaire.  From now on, I can buy prepared meals and throw them directly into the trash just for the fun of it!  But I wouldn't do that.  I could never disgrace former president Tom the Turkey that way.

P.S. Can I please be present at the baptism of the person whose testimony begins with, "Well, I was lost as a goose until I found this turkey money..."

splitting hairs

Risked being late to work so I could use the hot rollers this morning.  When I got home and did the "What did I look like all day?" survey in the mirror (don't pretend you don't do it), I was surprised to find that the left side of my head was much more excited about being curly than was the right side.  And because I am a nerd and a half, a little parody of one of John Mayer's greatest hits began a brewing underneath my bouncing curls and limp locks.  If you're familiar with "Half of my Heart," feel free to sing along!

Half of my hair is two inches shorter than the other
Half of my hair falls flat
Half of my hair is a masterpiece of loops and curls
The other half needs a hat

Half of my hair needs a picture taken
Half of my hair should hide
Half of my hair would be way jealous
If it caught sight of the other side

Ooooh, half of my hair...

chick flicks

I have learned to never ask my students to write the title of their favorite movie, or the chorus of their favorite song, or the name of their favorite restaurant, or the flavor of their favorite ice cream...or any other favorites.  Some of them answer the question immediately, some take their time before settling on "Dumb and Dumber" and "You Can't Hurry Love" and "Main Street Bakery" and "banana nut," and then there are those who are overwhelmed by the task of choosing one favorite color and cannot be consoled with the special permission to write two or even three colors that they like because that would be "breaking the rules."  These kids are painstakingly thoughtful.  These kids have an unusually stubborn sense of right and wrong.  These kids drive me absolutely insane.  And I found out today that I am one of these kids.

In one classroom, not my own but one that I visit regularly, the teacher and students asked me to list my top five favorite movies.  I had five...five!  And still, the pressure was intense.  How can I reduce all of my romantic comedy affections to just five movies?  After a lot of thought on my part and a loss of interest on the teacher and students' part, I finally came up with the following list.

Dan in Real Life
The Family Stone
Hope Floats
Mona Lisa Smile
When Harry Met Sally
Clueless

Thank you, Angela, for pointing out my mistake in not including any of Molly Ringwald's finest performances.  I would like to amend the list by replacing Clueless with Sixteen Candles.  I know it's way harsh, Ty, but it had to be done.

too much!

Wake up, walk dog, go to work, paperwork, test administration, meeting, class of groggy students, class of hyper students, paperwork, meeting, paperwork, inhale lunch, student conference, student conference, paperwork, drive home, walk dog, inhale chips and salsa, homework, homework, homework, walk dog, blog, collapse.

maybe I need a vacation

So maybe in first period, when I told one of my students to look for details in her reading passage and then realized I never gave her the correct chapter, I just sat next to her and told her the answers.

And maybe in second period I scrapped my lesson and read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

And maybe I was a little too excited when my department head asked if my English class could make invitations to our Thanksgiving feast...because that little assignment will take at least two class periods...three if I play my cards right!

take note!

Recently, I have been frustrated by my inability to take notes during class.  I have become so accustomed to professors posting slides on the class website, that it throws me when I am responsible for writing it down myself.  Well, today, I got a little boost of confidence in my secretarial skills when the stranger next to me kept looking at my sermon notes and copying them into his iPhone.  I wasn't sure that's what he was doing until he leaned over, placed his finger under one of the words I had frantically scrawled on the scrap of paper I was using, and asked, "What does that say?"  So there you have it...I apparently am a trusted source for notes after all!  Feel free to peer over my shoulder and copy, but don't expect it to bee 100% legible.

Also noteworthy...the comment I heard while walking Layla around the pond.  A girl said to a younger boy, who I assume was her brother, "You're the one who keeps farting!"  The second time I passed them, they were wondering aloud which food from their dinner had already digested.  My eavesdropping wasn't so sly when I LOLed.

detour

Went to Blockbuster in search of a movie that I need to watch for a paper I intended to write tonight...left empty-handed, texted a friend to see what she was up to, and pointed my car in the direction of the movie theater to catch a new release that had nothing to do with school.  I'm such a rebel!

exhausticated

...and not feeling too creative.

Axis II

I actually enjoyed my DSM class tonight!  My professor was on a roll with the jokes.  He briefly mentioned intermittent explosive disorder, and when someone asked him what it was, he said, "Oh, we'll talk about that one later.  It's a winner!"

Also on the agenda, a classmate who volunteered diagnoses - with supporting details - for her crazy ex-husband.  Raise your hand if you like free entertainment!

But I have to admit, the real reason class was so great was because we got out early!  I don't care if you're in kindergarten or eleventy-seventh grade...early release is cause for celebration!

Look out, Mary Kay! No, really...look out.

Today, during my lunch break, I ran to the grocery store to stock up on some trail mix ingredients (yes, I called them ingredients.  I'm allowed to do that if trail mix, salad, and cereal are the only things I cook!).  As I was hurriedly perusing the bins of mixed nuts and dried berries, a woman approached me and asked if she could talk to me for a bit.  I cautiously said yes.  She said that she noticed my preppy casual look (emphasis on the casual) and thought I might be a great face model for Mary Kay.  Now, I am well aware of the fact that she just wants me to buy and promote her product, but I was still flattered.  And while we had an awkward conversation amidst strangers and eavesdroppers, I couldn't help but think how cool I must look to everyone around me!  We exchanged information and then went our separate ways...she to the checkout, and I full force into the hanging scales.  That's right.  As I was walking away, putting Miss Mary Kay's business card in my wallet and smiling down at my stylish preppy casual shoes, I rammed my beautiful model face right into a giant metal bowl, and anyone who missed the sight of it surely heard the sound...a loud crashing metal discord immediately followed by my whimpering "ooooow!"  Yeah, I have a feeling the security guards will be reviewing those tapes for kicks and giggles.

bait and switch

I had a really great story to relay, but snopes.com just blew it out of the water.  The sad thing is, I heard the story yesterday from the speaker at church.  I'm simultaneously relieved and disappointed.  If you want to know why, check out the link below.

http://www.snopes.com/critters/snakes/measured.asp

Happy Snoping!

cats and dogs

First of all, congrats to my cousin Tatum, whose cheer squad took home a sizable trophy, purse loads of candy, and about 84 pounds of hairspray and glitter!  Way to go, Wildcats!

In other news, I took Layla to the dog park this afternoon.  We stayed for only five minutes or so, but in that time, Layla managed to ignore every dog in sight and chose instead to jump in the laps of 2...4...6...8 dog owners who did not appreciate her signature stunt, the dog hug.  I'm pretty sure they wanted to see her get d-o-w-n.  I don't know what's not to love about a wet nose in your face!  She definitely gets the "best jumps" award!

falling back

Ran nine miles (yea!  and ouch!), went to a cook off fundraiser (yum!), returned items to about twelve different stores (may have also purchased a few future returns, just for good measure), and helped a friend move (ouch again).  Thank you, thank you, thank you, God for the extra hour!

thanks for noticing

Here's a quick rundown of the super encouraging things I heard today...

"You are gaining weight.  You need to be careful."
(kindly spoken by a woman at work...who also needs to be careful!)

"Hey, I have these t-shirts that I would love to wear, but the neck is too small.  You have a tiny neck, so maybe you could wear them.  You should come check them out later."
(an e-mail from a coworker)

I guess the silver lining is that I apparently don't carry my weight in my neck!

tgit

Thursdays are the new Friday.  I think this is something that most people learned in college, but I'm always a little late on the uptake.  I've got a lot of catching up to do!

giving credit where credit is due

Thanks to grad school, I have gained...

insight into why I am the way I am
a good friend
negative 456 hours of sleep (and counting)
5 pounds

How I Met Your Mother

I don't think I watched this much TV when I had TV.  Darn you, Ted Mosby!

Be-leaf it or not!

Right now, if I could do anything in place of sleep and still be rejuvenated and refreshed tomorrow, I would go to the grocery store.  Not go to the movies.  Not ride my bike through the park.  Not hang out with friends at a restaurant or bar.  Not stay up all night giggling at a friend's house.  Nope.  I would go to the grocery store.  And you know what I would buy?  Lettuce.  Lots and lots of lettuce.  Because the only thing that sounds better than a bed right now is a giant, neverending salad.  Should I be worried about myself right now?

Dear Taylor Swift

Although I enjoy your music, I do wish that you would sing a little less powerfully.  After listening to your latest album (several times back to back), I feel like I broke up with all of your boyfriends.  You now owe me one happy Sunday afternoon and a rigorous workout to counteract the Oreo shake that I had to drown your sorrows in.

Sincerely,
Your Way-Too-Old-To-Be-A-Fan Fan

P.S. If you refuse my requests, I'll write a song about you.

road trip

I just subjected Layla to five hours in the car with a constant stream of "angry girl music of the indie rock persuasion."  And yeah, I sang along pretty loudly.  I'm pretty sure this trip was all about the destination and not so much about the journey for her.

P.S. Ten cool points if you can name that movie!

If you want me to

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to

- Ginny Owens

numbers

I just worked on one homework assignment for over five hours.  I had to...

read two cases,
write five diagnostic summaries, and
create two individual service plans with three goals each.

It ended up being eight pages of text.
And if I did it correctly, guess how many points I'll earn.

five.  FIVE!  Ridiculous!

(in)appropriate footwear

Did I accidentally wear moccasins to my diversity class on "Counseling Native Americans" night?  Yep!  But hey, I have one thirty-second of a right to rock the moccs!  I'm just relieved that I wasn't also wearing my largest piece of turquoise jewelry.  Because come on, of course I was wearing some turquoise.   It's my AmEx...I never leave home without it!

Speaking of AmEx, what is a Bose Sound Dock, and why does American Express think that I really really want one?!

And finally, jumping back to observations in diversity class*, I have decided that the movie Smoke Signals would be more appropriately titled Hey, Victor!.  I'm pretty sure that those two words account for half of the script.

*Dear English students,
  Please do as Ms. Howell says and not as she does when it comes to structuring your writing.
  Not everyone enjoys rabbit trails.
  Sincerely,
  Ms. Howell

 P.S. Does Roger seem like someone you know really well?
 P.P.S. What are you doing reading this?!

homework pass

using it now!

what('s) an idea!

Today in English, we had a review of nouns.  I was trying to explain that a noun can be an idea, which is a hard concept to teach.  I did my best.  It came out a little something like this: "A noun can be an idea.  An idea is something that you can think about, but you can't see it or touch it...like friendship or love."  I'm not quite sure I got the point across.  Immediately after my oh-so-precise explanation, Roger (you may remember him from the spelling quiz) said, "Oh, like my nose!  I can think about it, but I can't put my fingers in it!"

sigh of relief

Midterm over!  Now I can look forward to a relaxing Thursday :)

wish me luck!

I have my midterm tomorrow evening!  I'm a little nervous.  I spent the past 4 hours studying disorders like Caffeine Intoxication while drinking coffee.  The good news is, I know how to treat myself!

I don't care what you think.

My pastor said this last Sunday.  And you know what?  I wasn't offended!  I'm so tired of trying to justify theories of human development and counseling when I know that the one answer to all of the questions is not acceptable to my professors.  I'm narrow-minded and judgmental if I say what I believe, so I have to find different terms for it and creatively sneak it into someone else's counseling jargon.  I have to write my faith off as just one tiny factor of my "culture."  The fact of the matter is, I can say what I think all day long, but saying what I know is a completely different story.  And it goes a little something like this:

This world and the people in it are broken, and our only hope of redemption is a relationship with Jesus Christ.  We will always have pain and sorrow and heartache and suffering and disease and yes, even battles with the Devil himself.  Those things will never go away, no matter how many coping strategies or meditation exercises we learn.  Nobody will be able to fill another person, no conversation will enlighten us enough to escape the truth of our depravity.  Fifty minutes once a week for a lifetime won't even do it.  And until we believe what we have been told over and over and over again - that we are in desperate need of the Lord's mercy and forgiveness, which he offers freely and abundantly - then we will forever be in bondage to the very things that we seek to escape.

Whew.  That felt good.  Goodnight!

ahead of the game...but still not ready for it

Laundry is done, floors are vacuumed, lunch is packed, lessons are planned, dog is walked...and I have yet to crack open a book for my midterm this week.  Procrastiductivity is maybe one of my greatest talents!

big tex

Laura Bell Bundy is great!  Going to one of her shows will make you want to buy all of Dolly Parton's albums.  I don't think that's Laura Bell's goal, but it is what it is.

Also, I highly recommend fried smores.  Next time we're singing kumbaya around a campfire and lighting marshmallows on fire, I'd like to also hear the sound of a large vat of grease bubbling nearby.

And finally, Crazy Mouse is a surprisingly thrilling ride.  Worth every ticket!

thankful

...for...

pumpkin donuts
fall weather
a parent conference that went extremely well
more Mexican food than a girl should have in one day
a couple of hours on the couch with a good book
a dog with a waggly tail
spontaneous dance parties in the car
friends who make me laugh out loud
a comfy place to lay my head

more power to ya!

Bill Dunbar: You know, if you were mine, I'd never let you go.
Katherine Watson: I wouldn't have asked your permission.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this quote.  If you don't recognize it, get to googling!

meal plan

This semester may be eating my lunch, but I'm still the reigning champion over breakfast, morning snack, midafternoon chocolate frenzy (Are six fun size Snickers equivalent to one regular size one?), after school pantry scavenging, convenience store dinner, and last resort peanut butter and honey dessert.  Eat that, semester!

who you callin' random?!

Tonight, after a lovely sushi dinner, my friend, her two-month-old daughter, and I copped a squat on the curb to sit and chat.  We were on the edge of the sidewalk, where cars pull in to park, and we were facing a vacant parking spot.  When a giant suburban rolled in and hit the brakes inches from our feet (and the baby's head), we kept chatting and pretended not to be alarmed.  We shaded the baby's eyes until the driver of the giant suburban finally turned the lights off.  My friend commented, "Well, that's random to just leave your lights on for that long."  And, of course, I said, "Really?  She's the random one?  We're hanging out on a curb with a baby."  I think we may have just surpassed the ghetto factor of the "baby in a bar" scene from Sweet Home Alabama!

observe your breath...not your neighbor

Tonight, during the last twenty minutes of class, my professor decided to demonstrate a relaxation exercise.  Really?  Really?  After listening to three hours of lecture, you want twenty exhausted people to sit still in little plastic chairs, close their eyes, and observe their breath?  Okay, but don't act surprised when we all topple like dominoes because one student (your favorite, I'm sure) gets a little too "deep in meditation."  Oh, and also, cute guy in class whose name I don't know but whose blue button down shirt is my favorite, if I happen to casually lay my head on your shoulder, pay no attention...it's totally an accident!

Ironical

While putting the finishing touches on a ten page paper about racial and cultural identity development, I reached an impasse.  If your name is Lee Mun Wah, is Mun your middle name or part of your last name?  How do I cite you, Lee?  How?!

rediscovered greatness

This morning when I didn't want to start my paper, I perused my collection of DVDs and pulled one that was still in its original package.  After wrestling with the plastic and picking off all the little pieces of the strip of tape that refuses to come off in one fluid motion (Why do they put those things on there anyway?), I popped the DVD in the tray and settled in for a Saturday morning slumber party!  Much to my surprise, Mona Lisa Smile is fantabulous!  Fantabulous, I tell you!  So fantabulous, in fact, that I am watching it again for my Saturday night slumber party!  And the best thing is, I never got out of my pajamas.  Talk about being prepared!  So, goodnight, moon and hello, Wellesly girls!

someone else's dreams

If there is a disorder for people who are tired but cannot make themselves go to sleep, I have it.  All day long, I look forward to hitting the hay.  Then, when the opportunity arises, it just seems like such a sad thing to sleep when I could do more productive things...like read some good fiction, or watch some good fiction, or listen to some good fiction.  If only I could make myself dream my own fiction!

For I am not ashamed...

...to admit that I very much look forward to my Thursday ritual of watching a chick flick and Friends DVDs while I clean house and do laundry.  Maybe my favorite thing ever!

True Story

You know you're exhausted when the toilet flushes automatically and your immediate response is, "Thank God!  I was way too tired to do that myself."

a little bit crazy

Raise your hand if you asked your department head if it would be okay for you to leave campus to go buy file folders because the ones you have available in the supply closet are an unsettling shade of blue.  Keep your hand up if you went to Target, were appalled by their prices, drove to Walmart, were appalled by their lack of quality, and retraced your route back to Target to pay the appalling price.  Thank you, Mom, for passing that trait right along!

the little engine that conked out at 9:30

If there were a children's book written about me, this would be it.  Hasta, my friends!

completely done

What reason have I to doubt
Why would I dwell in fear
When all I have known is grace
My future in Christ is clear

My sins have been paid in full
There's no condemnation here
I live in the good of this
My Father has brought me near
I'm leaving my fears behind me now

The old is gone, the new has come
What You complete is completely done
We're heirs with Christ, the victory won
What You complete is completely done

I don't know what lies ahead
What if I fail again
You are my confidence
You'll keep me to the end
I'm leaving my fears behind me now...

- Jonathan Baird, Ryan Baird, and Rich Gunderlock

steppin' out

Getting ready for a night of boot scootin', and if I have as much fun as I expect to have, I'll be too exhausted to contribute to my blog post-dancing.  So, I'm going to go ahead and say I had oh so much fun and broke my previous records for number of dances total and number of consecutive dances.  Unfortunately, also on the list of projected broken records: the number of times I say, "I'm tired" and "My hip hurts!"

much needed night in

I may or may not have watched three hours of Friends episodes followed by You've Got Mail.  TGIF!

beautiful

Sometimes I wonder if this season of my life is worth it.  I'm exhausted and stressed all the time.  No really...ALL the time.  When I'm at work, I'm thinking about the homework I need to to; when I'm at home or out with a friend, I'm thinking about the lessons I need to plan; when I'm doing homework, I'm thinking about all of the fun things that I'm missing out on (yes, I will end this sentence with a prepositional phrase).  Also, I think about stuff like grammar.  Who does that?!

Thankfully, I have people like my cousin's wife Christy who remind me of the reasons that I'm doing what I'm doing.  People who help me to see this time as an adventure and not a pause in my life.  And I have a jar of encouraging words from some good friends who listened to me hope and wish and beg to be where I am today.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt (via Ms. Grohman)

I'm on my way to beautiful!

missed the bus

Here's a true story that makes me laugh...and think that maybe I have a new motto in life.

Last Friday morning, just as first period was starting, the phone in my classroom rang, and the following conversation took place (name changed, of course).

Me: This is Leslie.
Mystery Caller: Yeah, I'm not there today.
Me: (scanning the room and wondering who is on the other end of the line) Daniel?  Is that you?
Daniel: Yeah.
Me: You're not coming to school today?
Daniel: No, I can't.
Me: What happened?
Daniel: My bus ain't come.
Me: Your bus never came?
Daniel: Oh, it had come.  I'm just not on it.

I'd say that pretty much sums up my crazy hectic life right now.  Oh, the bus had come.  I'm just not on it.

P.S. I'd like to know what game of 20 questions our receptionist had to play with Daniel before she knew to direct him to my room.

treading water

Dear Blog Readers,

I hope the two of you are enjoying your day.  While you read this, I am most likely stressing out at work as I simultaneously interview a student regarding career choices, complete 30 pages of paperwork for a meeting that will be held in the next ten minutes, monitor students who are taking a test, gain twelve pounds as my body processes the alarming number of chocolate chip pancakes I recently ingested, and plan lessons for ten kids who should never be in the same room together (and will be within the next hour).  Please pray for me.  This semester is beyond overwhelming!

Thank you kindly,
Leslie

P.S. If you are in the neighborhood and are gifted in the art of head-scratching, I could use those magic fingers!

fallen angels

I know, I know...I'm slacking on my assignment.  But hey, this is a pretty accurate reflection of my life lately.  Me thinks me doth procrastinate too much.  I have good reason though!  It seems that lately, every time I try to do something, it ends up in a frustrating test of my patience!  A classic example is the project that I turned in today.

We had to make a genogram (similar to a family tree) of our family's culture.  It involved a ton of information that we had to represent with different symbols clustered around each individual's name.  Because I waited too late to begin my project and did not want to spend much money, I used some really old stickers from my trusty stationery set circa 1994 to represent different cultural factors within my family.  Did I use super professional, graduate school worthy elements such as ladybugs and angels and hearts?  Yep!  The only problem - besides it looking like a kindergarten project - was that the angels kept falling off the poster.  So I decided to laminate it.  Which was a good idea.  And worked well.  Or so I thought.  Apparently, one of the angels decided to jump ship right before entering the laminator, and a dog hair decided to hop on board.  So now I had permanently affixed a canine product to my already very unprofessional project, and I still had to go back and superglue a stubborn angel back in place.  Which reminds me...does anyone know how long it takes for superglue to wear off of your skin?

to work or to shop?

I have a project due in three days...and a new dress.  Stress never looked so good!

The side o' your head is ridiculous!

Today, one of my students complained that teachers want school to be all work and no fun.
My response: Do you see how I'm dressed?!

Yeah, that's a scrunchie.  And yes, those are Keds.  Unfortunately, my leg warmers are hiding out in my old drill team bag at my mom's house.  Even more unfortunate is the fact that everything else was within arm's reach in my own closet.

playing dress up

Did I go to Schlotzky's today wearing my Wacky Tacky Wednesday outfit?
Yes.  Yes I did!

Will I venture out again tomorrow in my leggings, side ponytail, and Member's Only jacket?
Yes.  Yes, I will!

Do I heart homecoming week?
Yes.  Yes I do!

Resourcefulness

It's my mom's favorite character trait.  It's the reason that the mechanics of my toilet tank hinge on the durability of a safety pin.  It's the reason that there are two nickels jammed into the window of my dad's old truck.  It's the reason that I sat on phonebooks and upturned pots when I was just a little one trying to reach the dinner table.  It's the reason that my pillows look an awful lot like my old shower curtain.

So today, when I hit up YouTube for some good running stretches and IT massages, was it any surprise that I ended up reaching for a can of flexible hold mousse to help me out?  Apparently, the host of my video, who we'll call Mr. Trainer Guy, thinks that everyone has a giant cylindrical foam cushion handy.  Not so, Mr. Trainer Guy, not so!  While he demonstrated the art of laying sideways on the cushion and carefully rolling the outside of your leg across it, I scoured my apartment for a comparable apparatus.  The closest thing I found was some Herbal Essence.  I used it.  It was painful.  But my leg hairs are oh so silky and manageable now!

There's something different about you today...

Today, one of my coworkers said to me, "There's something different about you today.  I don't know what it is, but it's good."  I responded, "Well, I'm completely exhausted."  And then he said, "Maybe that's it.  Maybe all of the energy is stripped away, and you're just yourself."

This somewhat unsettling conversation reminded me of several things: the scene from The Little Mermaid when Scuttle perches on Ariel's new legs and says, "There's something different about you; I can't put my finger on it;" the SNL skit of Mike Meyers as The Hyper Hypo; and most importantly, a comment my Pappaw once made to my mom.  He and my Memmaw had kept me for several days when I was sick (I'm sure Memmaw did more nursing back to health and Pappaw did more antagonizing), and Pappaw said, "I like her best with just a little bit of a fever."

Well, folks, if my usual dose of crazy-hyper is too much to take, and you like me better when the sandman stays away for long periods of time, then get ready to LOVE me, because this semester is succeeding in kicking my butt!

Oh, joy!

THE TWINKLY LIGHTS ARE HERE!

What has two thumbs and loves lights in trees?  This girl!
Does that not work so well in print?

highlights

Here are the scores for the day.

Diversity Book: 3
Leslie: 1
*Too much reading!

Wakeboarding: 1
Leslie: 0
*Rematch requested

Chips Ahoy Cookies: 0
Leslie: 72
*Yum!

Harbour House Restaurant Entertainment: 0
Leslie: 12
*Special requests, anyone?

Overall, a good day for Leslie, despite a slight setback against the water sports.  No worries though.  She'll be eating her Wheaties and ready to dominate the next time a sunny day at the lake calls her name!

Jake vs. Marty

Just saw an outdoor showing of Back to the Future, and I have to say, watch out Jake Ryan!  You may be able to host an unforgettable table-top birthday party, but can you play Johnny Be Good at your mom's high school dance?!  Unless you have a flux capacitor, I'm gonna go ahead and say that answer is no.  Oh, 80s crushes.  I think there is a lot to be said for maintaining a high level of attractiveness while wearing ridiculous clothes.  If you can pull off a sweater vest and rolled up, tapered jeans, you can pretty much pull off anything...including time travel!

too late on a school night

Dear Starbucks Grande Iced Coffee with Extra Soy and one Splenda,
I hear you calling.  I will be there to pick you up in the morning.  Please be dressed and ready to go!
Love,
Leslie

throwback

I'm reaching into my teaching archives for a kid story that makes me chuckle.  I feel that it is necessary for me to preface this anecdote by telling you that "Brianna" is one of the sweetest, most soft-spoken girls I have ever met.  She greets me everyday with a hug and a countdown to her birthday (as in, "Well, I guess it's only 57 more days 'til my birthday!").  That is why I was both surprised and humored - and maybe even a little bit frightened - by her unexpected wit.

Bell Ringer:
If you could prepare a meal for an enemy, what would you cook?

Brianna's Response:
I would make macaroni and cheese with hot dog pieces.

Me:
Wow, you're letting your enemy get off easy.  That sounds pretty delicious!

Brianna:
(laughs quietly)  Yeah, but he's a lactose intolerant vegetarian.

I'm thinking she had been stewing over this idea long before I inquired!

satisfied

Spent the evening reading a good book and listening to the rain bounce off of an old yellow chair that used to sit on my Memmaw and Pappaw's porch.

Praise the Lord!

the spelling test

Today, I gave a quick spelling pretest to one of my favorite students.  I mean, I gave a quick spelling pretest to one of my students to whom I am impartial...you know, because I don't have favorite students.  Anyway, we'll call this student Roger.  The pretest was your basic format for most spelling assessments.  I explained to Roger that I would say a word, then say a sentence containing the word, and then say the word again.  Here is a sample of what turned out to be a two-way conversation with some spelling involved.

Me: Fan.  I could use a fan on a hot day.  Fan
Roger: Is it hot?

Me: Pet.  I have a pet cat who likes to play.  Pet.
Roger: Meow.

Me: Dig.  He will dig a hole in the sand.  Dig.
Roger: Who?

Me: Rob.  A raccoon will rob a bird's nest for eggs.  Rob.
Roger: I like eggs!

Me: Hope.  I hope you do well on this test.  Hope.
Roger: Thank you!

Me: Wait.  You will need to wait for the letter.  Wait.
Roger: (puts pencil down) Okay.  I can wait.

Me: Gum.  I stepped in some bubble gum.  Gum.
Roger: (looking under table)  Where?

Me: Stick.  I used a stick to poke in the holes.  Stick.
Roger: (looks very confused)

Me: Shine. I...
Roger: (interrupting) Make it shine!  Make it shine!

Me: Dream.  I had a funny dream last night.  Dream.
Roger: What was it about?

Me: Fright.  She was a fright in her Halloween costume.  Fright.
Roger: Ooh Hoo Hoo!

Me: Chewing.  Don't talk until you finish chewing your food.  Chew.
Roger: I don't have any food.

Me: Crawl.  You will get dirty if you crawl under the bed.  Crawl.
Roger: Am I a baby?!

Me: Thorn.  The thorn from the rose bush stuck me.  Thorn.
Roger: I remember Miss Thorn!

Me: Shouted.  They shouted at the barking dog.  Shouted.
Roger: That's the same thing as yelling.  I'm going to write yell.

Me: Growl.  The dog will growl if you bother him.  Growl.
Roger: Grrrrrrr. (lashes hand out like a claw)

Me: Camped.  We camped down by the river last weekend.  Camped.
Roger: I camp't be a teacher yet.  I'm too young.

Me: Clapping.  The audience was clapping after the program.  Clapping.
Roger: (claps, laughs, claps, laughs, wonders why I'm looking at him strangely)

The savvy educator in me knew that I should come up with some original sentences that might not elicit so much confusion, but the comedian in me decided to go with the prewritten sentences and enjoy the show!  Enjoyed.  I hope you enjoyed today's spelling lesson as much as I did!  Enjoyed.

I can cook!

Before.

After.

Enough said!

Climb on!

When I pray, I rarely expect God to respond favorably. On a scale of 1 to 10, I would say that my level of expectancy is about a 3. I believe that God listens to my prayers. I even believe that he will respond. But I do not believe that his answer will be yes. In a way, this is a comfort because I am terrified by the notion that I have no idea what is best for me. But when I read stories of people with great faith, people who weren’t afraid to look foolish in the eyes of their friends and neighbors for the sake of claiming God’s blessing on the desires of their hearts, I can’t help but wonder if I am to blame for all of the nos that I have received.


I am in the process of reading through a chronological one-year Bible. Because I lack discipline and reading speed, I am currently trudging through Leviticus (also known as February). I have tried to read this Bible for several years in a row, and Leviticus always wins. But this year, I am determined to get through it, even if I have to take a Sharpie to the cover and make it a chronological three-year Bible! The thing is, I don’t want to just get through Leviticus; I want to find some meaning in it. As I read through the specifications for the temple, the cleansing ceremonies for the priests, and the processes for sacrifices and offerings I realized that the function of these practices is to prepare the Israelites to be with God. Before God can bless his people with his presence, they must prepare themselves.

This idea of preparing for God’s blessing reminded me of the story of Elisha and the Widow’s oil. When I first read the passage in 2 Kings, I took note of the obvious lesson of God’s provision for his people. But more recently, I paid attention to the actions of the woman and her sons.

Now the wife of one of the prophets cried to Elisha, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the Lord, but the creditor has come to take my to children to be his slaves.” And Elisha said to her, “What shall I do for you? Tell me; what have you in the house?” And she said, “Your servant has nothing in the house except for a jar of oil.” Then he said, “Go outside, borrow vessels from all your neighbors, empty vessels and not too few. Then go in and shut the door behind yourself and your sons and pour into all these vessels. And when one is full, set it aside.” So she went from him and shut the door behind herself and her sons. And as she poured they brought the vessels to her. When the vessels were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another vessel.” And he said to her, “There is not another.” Then the oil stopped flowing. She came and told the man of God, and he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debts, and you and your sons can live on the rest.”

2 Kings 4:1-7

Can you imagine going from house to house, knocking on doors and asking for empty jars? I’m not sure if scavenger hunts were popular back in the day, but I’m pretty sure that would be this woman’s only chance of holding on to some sort of sanity in the eyes of her neighbors. I imagine her request for a jar would be immediately met with a question about why she needs a jar. At this point, she’s not even sure why she’s collecting jars. Elisha doesn’t reveal the plan to her until after she has carried out all of the instructions.

But the woman does it. She takes on the role of the town lunatic, walking from house to house, interrupting people’s days to ask for jars. Why? Because she knows that Elisha is a man of God, and she knows that in order for God to provide for her, she must prepare to receive his blessing. This is a woman of great faith! She seeks God and actively prepares for his blessing.

How often do I do that? Not very. Maybe not even at all. When I pray about something, I look for repeated confirmation of God’s response before taking any action. Maybe I’ve got it backwards. Maybe the reason that I haven’t had many confirmed yeses is because I haven’t prepared myself for a yes. I know that I can’t act in a way that will convince God that I am ready for his blessing, but I can act in a way that demonstrates my belief that God will grant me the desires of my heart.

In Mark, Jesus tells his disciples, “…whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours” (Mark 11:24, ESV). Isn’t it interesting that Jesus tells us to believe that we have received it instead of telling us to believe that we will receive it? If we really believe that we have been given what we’ve asked, wouldn’t we immediately begin to live as though we have that blessing? How would our lives look different if we prepared for the Lord’s yes?

Yesterday, I went rock climbing with some friends. I’m not at all an expert at it, and I feel about as at ease in a rock gym as I do at formal events. Both are unfamiliar territories that require some uncomfortably binding contraptions. But I learned as the night went on that the key to climbing to the top is not necessarily strength or flexibility; it is the belief that you can get there. When your arms are shaking and your foot is slipping off of its hold, you have two choices. You can sit back in your harness and give up or you can act as if you have already won this battle and push yourself up the wall inch by inch until your hand reaches the ledge.

So pray. Believe. And climb on!

Would anyone like to share?

Immediately following the bell ringer, I always ask my students to share their answers.  Not only does this stimulate some interesting conversation, but it also gives me time to reprint the worksheets that I have lost.  So, in the spirit of stalling for time, I am posting some pictures from the day, which I fully intend to apply to my bell ringer response...tomorrow.

 

And now, to represent all the kids who raise their hands and say somthing completely off topic, here is a photo of brand new baby Madeline with her favorite second cousin!

bell ringer

When I was in school, I hated warm-ups.  Something about walking into a room and getting right to work just doesn't suit me; I need time to chat with friends and settle into my seat.  As an educator, I've learned that the teachers who have routine warm-ups are probably the ones who hated them as students.  In fact, the very reason that most teachers assign warm-ups is to give themselves some time to prepare for class before jumping right into the lesson.  We have to keep the kids busy while we scribble notes about the last class on various stray post-its (that we will most likely lose), locate buried worksheets (and wipe crumbs off of them), and take attendance (which we will have to correct when an absent student strolls into the room twenty minutes late...holding the Starbucks drink that we didn't have time to stop for that morning).

That being said, I have decided not to have warm-ups in my class.  Don't be too alarmed.  I can say that only because I have given warm-ups a new name.  They are called bell ringers in my class, and despite the fact that they are just warm-ups in disguise, they actually elicit some interesting conversation...and sometimes even some interesting dances, but that's another story.  So, because I am not quite prepared to put words to what I have been learning lately, and because it will be good to think about God's word before creating my own commentary, I am assigning the following bell ringer.  Set your egg timer for five minutes, and feel free to join me!

In your Writer's Notebook, respond to the prompt below.
On a scale of 1 to 10, rate the level of expectation that you have when praying, 1 being "I'm going to throw this one up in the air and see what happens" and 10 being "I am confident that God will do this."  Do you have a different level of faith depending on the topic of your prayer?  Would your life look different if you fully expected God to answer your prayers?

...lesson to follow...just as soon as I find those darned worksheets!

Fish Tales

...a collection of memories in honor of my cousin Katie, on her 28th birthday.

one
Asking you why you talked with a lisp and being legitimately jealous when you answered, "Becauthe Jethuth made me thith way."  What?!  Why didn't Jethuth make me tho cool?!

two
Staying up giggling into a pillow so your mom wouldn't hear while you and your boyfriend sent beeper texts to each other, arguing over the lines of a Pearl Jam song.  Just so you know, he was right.

three
Performing a lip sync/dance routine to Amy Grant's Galileo while spending a week at the farm...and deciding that our signature look would be one of Pappaw's old bandannas.

four
Performing a lip sync/dance routine to Amy Grant's Galileo while riding in the back of the Tahoe on our way to Lake Grapevine for an extremely awkward camping trip in which 1) you refused to go for a walk with your boyfriend, 2) my ex-boyfriend refused to talk to anyone because an Aggie basketball game was playing on the portable radio that he bought specifically for the occasion, 3) we spent the majority of our time playing "hit the stick," and 4) a carbohydrate thief stole all of our bread and muffins while we slept not so soundly in a camping spot that I'm pretty sure was a median.

five
Biting you on the stomach after you won a game of Memory at Grandma Trump's old beach house.  Sorry about that.

six
Fighting our way through mountains of Brooke's "handy-downs" at all family get-togethers.  Hello, Girbaud!

seven
Wearing matching floral dresses that your mom bought for us.  Yes, yes she did cut the rose off of the butt and sew it to a rubberband to create a lovely hair accessory for our side pony-tails.

eight
All of your lovely hair accessories.

nine
Piling into the back of your friend's parents' explorer with 14 (yes, 14!) other giddy junior high kids to go to Hudsons for dinner after the big homecoming game...and piling back into the car with only 10 other giddy kids and 4 crying ones.  Oh, junior high love!

ten
Listening to you make spitting noises the whole way home from Memories after we had gone out to eat with Diane and Mike.  Ten minutes prior, we were all elbow-deep in trash cans looking for the binator that you had accidentally thrown away.

eleven
Helping you clean your bathroom when you found your old binator...and then asking if I could have it.  Good thing your mom stepped in!

twelve
Speaking of cleaning the bathroom...you know where this is going!  Getting into a knock-down, drag-out fight over feet and a pillow while watching Pollyana on TV, and receiving the punishment of cleaning the bathroom that you shared with Matt (ew!) while you cleaned your parents' already spotless bathroom.

thirteen
Breaking the rules and eating hot dogs and Fritos in the living room, freaking out and hiding our plates under your bed when your parents came home unexpectedly, and then telling your mom that Jasper was eating pencils when she wondered aloud why he kept going under your bed and coming out with yellow flakes around his mouth.

fourteen
Working our first jobs as lemonade waitresses at your dad's bank and spilling half of our drinks in an effort to beat one another to the "cool" cars.

fifteen
Sneaking into the kitchen with Liz at the Follis beach house and hovering over our sleeping Memmaw and Pappaw to steal three spoons and a carton of cookies and cream ice cream, which we took back to our room and demolished.  And then spending the next thirty minutes looking in the dark for your clear retainer that you haphazardly threw aside when the Blue Bell was opened.

sixteen
Driving home from Ripley and Shirley's house in the back seat of your dad's convertible, looking over at you with your neck craned out over the side of the door, and laughing when you said, "Now I know why dogs do this!  When I get home, I'm gonna drag my butt across the carpet and see what that's all about!"

seventeen
Clogging the toilet in the outhouse on Christmas Eve because we kept lighting matches to see our watches (Did Santa come yet?!) and then throwing them in the bowl when the flame reached our fingertips.  It never occurred to us to use one match to find the pull chain for the light.  But it did occur to us to blame the whole thing on Cody.

eighteen
Kidnapping a very disoriented Liz in the middle of the night to celebrate her 21st birthday by hanging out in your mom's car listening to Cartman's rendition of Oh Holy Night on repeat and drinking some Red Head Red wine.

nineteen
Filling the tops and bottoms of our bikinis with sand.  Why did we do that?!

twenty
Sitting on a cement stoop outside the snack bar at Mt. Lebanon, competing to see who could keep an atomic fireball in her mouth for the longest time.  Not only did you keep it in longer, but you also projected it farther when you had had enough!

twenty-one
Climbing out the window when Matt locked us in the bathroom after having spent ample time in there himself.

twenty-two
Dancing like fools with hundreds of little Zambian kiddos and fueling up for another crazy day with some lovely beef tips and crunchy rice.

twenty-three
Jamming out on the porch at the Farm while listening to the new cassette tape that Matt got for Christmas.  Okay, maybe I don't remember this one firsthand, but I've seen the video enough times to laugh out loud when I think about it.  My favorite move is the stationery foot tap - the one where you stand with one foot planted on the porch and repeatedly tap the other foot on the lower step, throwing a head bob in every once in a while for good measure.

twenty-four
Singing Ice Ice Baby with Kaylee Sue on your shoulders.  Um, you are by far one of the coolest moms ever!

twenty-five
Chillaxin' in your parents' pool with some Blue Bell to celebrate my new job in Plano.

twenty-six
Chillaxin' in your parents' pool a year later, celebrating what the Lord has done in both of our lives over the past twelve months.  Oh yeah, and spraying Rocko and Gracie in the face for a solid hour with Ava's alligator and shark water guns!

twenty-seven
Our favorite Winter Olympic sports: tractor sledding, tractor skiing, hay bale jumping, hay ring rolling, running from cows, and the occasional running from wayward fireworks.

twenty-eight
Playing Boggle with you and being amazed by your ability to spontaneously create definitions for your nonsensical words.  I don't remember the word, but I do remember that one definition was, "those little felt pads on the bottom of telephones."  Genius!

Thank you, my cousin and my friend, for all the laughs!

If you give a girl some homework...

She will reluctantly pull out her book and thumb through the assigned pages, not to take inventory of the topics, but to feel the overwhelming weight of her task between her thumb and index finger.  She will do a rough mental calculation of the time it will take her to complete the reading and realize that she has already waited too long to be on schedule.  So she might as well eat dinner first.

She will pull out the box of pizza that she's had in her fridge for a few days, throw a slice onto the pan that has been sitting out from previous pizza warmings, pop it in the oven, and turn the dial to 350.  But she knows it will be a while before it's ready, so she will bide the time by eating fistfulls of picked-over trail mix.

As she shuffles through the pumpkin seeds to uncover bits of chocolate, her mind will, against her will, draw her back to the assignment she has to do.  She will look loathingly at the book and try desperately to muster up the desire to read it.  Then, a brilliant idea will strike!  She will realize that studying will be so much more enjoyable if she has some snazzy notebooks to record all of her newly acquired knowledge!

She will take two steps to cover the distance between the kitchen and the "office" in her tiny apartment, rifle through some piles of papers and junk drawers, and emerge with a spiral notebook, a wrinkled sheet of scrapbook paper, a couple of old magazines, a ruler, a mechanical pencil, a pair of sewing scissors, a glue stick, and some clear packing tape.  She will become giddy just thinking of all of the crafty possibilities!

She will spend well over an hour searching for just the right letters - an "e" that isn't too small, an "n" in a shade of green that will compliment the many "s"s near it - and will even consider the practical measure of keeping a running stock of cut out magazine letters on hand for future projects (until she realizes that this behavior would be appreciated and supported only by kidnappers).

As she hovers over the spiral notebook, meticulously gluing each element in its place, she will wonder why she suddenly feels warm and hears a slight gurgling sound.  She will cock her head to the side, follow the noise with her eyes, and realize about 20 minutes too late that her pizza is ready.

She will gently lay down the unfinished spiral, take two giant but light-on-her-feet leaps into the kitchen (no stomping around up here!), swipe a dish towel from the refrigerator door (and remind herself for the 7, 846, 232 time to look for potholders next time she's out), lower the oven door, and extract a crunchy brown triangle of mozzarella and dehydrated spinach.  She will be disappointed, but she will eat the entire thing...tooth-endangering bite by tooth-endangering bite.

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand (always a lady), she will return to her latest endeavor in academia, gluing down the last of the colorful stripes, adding a decorative sticker for good measure, and layering tape over her masterpiece so that it can stand the test of time.  Yeah, she plans on holding onto these for a while.

As she steps back to admire her work, she will take note of the scraps of paper strewn about the floor and will proceed to crawl around on her hands and knees Cinderella style, picking bits of magazine and tape out of the carpet.  She might also find a crumb or two, which she tosses in the direction of her charming pup.  It will occur to her that she needs to vacuum, but she won't want to do it.  She will instead try to think of something else that is more important than housework, and her homework will come to mind.

She will reach for her book once again, sprawl out on the not-so-spotless floor, and force her way through ten or fifteen pages.  In agony, she will refer to her syllabus for the hundredth time to make sure that she is really supposed to read this cruel amount of information, and as her hand lifts the cover of her Avery EZ-Turn View Binder (her favorite), a brilliant thought rescues her: binder covers!

Epilogue
Satisfied and maybe even a bit smug about her humorous blog entry, she will wander into the kitchen to snap a few pictures of her handiwork.  As she rounds the corner of the kitchen island, she will notice that it is particularly warm...and that her oven is still on!  She will consider starting up a small decorative office supply business to cover the cost of her electric bills.

story of a (slightly shallow) girl

Today, I totally rocked the messy knot hairstyle, and it kind of breaks my heart to reach in there and sneak the bobby pins out.  It's one of those things that happens when the sun and moon are aligned just right and the lakes are at a certain specific fullness and every blade of grass stands just so tall.  In other words, it's going to be a while before my hair humors me again...well, humors me in that way.  It reminds me of an old diddy I used to sing in high school.  Feel free to sing along!

Your clothes never wear as well the next day1
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say...

So, being as how my hair won't fall in quite the same way, I took a picture of it.  That's right.  I set the timer on the camera and posed for a while (or maybe longer) until I was able to do justice to the "do."  I won't tell you how many shots I took.  You can judge me if you want, but if you got to have this hair for a day, you'd do the same!  And that's the story of this girl!

Footnote1: Yes, I am well aware of my attention to the second line of the song and complete disregard for the first.  But since laundry days usually end up with me saying my handful of Christian cuss words when my shower curtain falls from the weight of all of my wet hanging clothes, I don't plan to change my textile recycling habits anytime soon!

study buddies

Pages read: 4
Movies watched: 2
Calories consumed: 3,427
Boy stories told: 29
Dance moves mastered: 6

Best study night ever!

tejas means friends

I just got confirmation from a stranger, who called himself a "foreigner," that Texas is in fact the best state in the US because the people are so nice.  Way to go, my fellow Texans!

drop off lines

After going out for frozen yogurt and watching When Harry Met Sally at a friend's place, I anticipated a nice walk with Layla and then some much needed shut-eye.  Little did I know that I had not met my quotient of weird for the day.  No worries though...it came right to me in the form of a super random conversation with a very distraught guy at the pond.

Distraught Guy: Excuse me.  This is going to sound kind of off the wall.  I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I want to ask you something.

Me: (in my head) Oh my gosh, this is going to be just like that Train song where the guy tells the girl that he's seen her around and has just now found the courage to ask her out.  How sweet!

DG: My girlfriend is in the car over there crying because of her condition.  She's really embarrassed, and I've comforted her in every way I know how, but she just keeps telling me to leave her alone.  Do you know of anything I can do for her?

Me: Condition?  Embarrassed?  Please, please don't go into details!  Well, I'm not really sure of the situation, but I would say just respect whatever she has asked of you.  Maybe she just needs some time.  (walk away quickly!)

Now, I know it is crazy for me to jump to fairytale conclusions, but the thing is, these unexpected conversations happen to me A LOT.  Another of my favorites is...

Guy: Hey, you know what's really beautiful?

Me: Oh geez, a lame pick up line?  Really?  What?

Guy: (pointing over my shoulder) That mural over there.  I love the colors.

Me: Jerk!  I actually wish you had said the lame line!  Oh yeah.  Neat.

I'm not sure what it is that draws out all the false starts, but I sure wish they would follow through or stay the heck away!

Books, Bibles, and Blue Bell

If you have trouble finding me in the next four months, I'll be in here...

...until I get too stressed, and then you can find me in here.

And if that doesn't do the trick, you might just find me in here!

venteration

Here's a quick run-down of my day:

1. Begin work with a meeting, which is interrupted for...

2. A student intervention that requires administrators and a police officer, which makes me...

3. Late for class (so I literally RUN upstairs) and am immediately informed that...

4. A parent is about to stop by and drop in on my class that already has 4 pair of supervisory eyes, so I proceed to bumble through my lesson for the day until it is time to...

5. Eat lunch, when I realize that I underestimated my hunger and reach for my afternoon snack...and a cookie...and two chocolates, all of which help to perk me up until I am informed that...

6. I will be attending a full day training tomorrow and must have sub plans ready to go, so I race up to my room and begin to type furiously, but still don't manage to finish by 3:45 when I absolutely have to...

7. Go home and take the dog for the shortest walk ever before digging through the laundry (I won't tell you if it was clean or dirty) for something to wear to class and throwing - yes, throwing - the essential spiral and ballpoint pen in my backpack and...

8. Heading to class in the middle of a storm, which reaches its apex right about the time I...

9. Park my car in a foot of water and wade the half mile to class, where...

10. I listen to my professor speak at a rate of approximately one word per minute for three hours as I shiver in my chair and try not to notice that my socks are wet and will only get wetter when I...

11. Splash through puddles to get back to my car and drive the hour long trip back home, where...

12. I get an email from my apartment manager saying my downstairs neighbor can hear me stomping around and running my washing machine at 2 am.  Um, hello!  I weigh 87 pounds, keep the hours of a grandma, and the ratio of the days that I wear dirty clothes to the days that I wear clean clothes is about 8:1.

I need a Shirley Temple...and apparently some moon shoes!

cooking up a storm

After two hours in the kitchen, I have successfully boiled eggs...and made a huge mess.  How does that even happen?!  This is exactly why I don't cook.
Sidenote: I was informed of the recent egg scare today at work, and all the talk made me really want some eggs!  Is that weird?  Shouldn't I be running away from them and not toward them?!

Also, I just spent the last ten minutes crawling under my bed, throwing milkbones at (not to...I was too mad to throw them to) Layla in an attempt to get her to drop the napkin she snuck out of the trash.  I was unsuccessful.  Anyone know if it's okay for a dog to eat two paper towels?  And no, I don't mean mentally okay; I'm well aware of the fact that she is certifiably crazy.

So now, I smell like eggs, I'm covered in carpet lint, and I'm keeping a close eye on my very absorbent dog.  Be jealous!

The back o' your head is ridiculous!

Two days ago I found an iPhone on the sidewalk near my apartment complex.  It had a missed call from "Jenny Fat A--."  I'm not sure who that is, but I'm pretty sure that's not her real name.  And I'm willing to bet she doesn't know that's how she's listed in someone else's phone...otherwise, she probably wouldn't be calling.  Or would she?

One of my biggest struggles is fear of man.  Not fear of men (although that one does sneak up on me quite often) but fear of man...constantly worrying about what others think of me.  If I were listed in someone's phone as "Leslie Man Laugh" or "Leslie Talks-Too-Much," I would spend an incredible amount of time and energy trying to change that person's opinion of me.  Why?  Why would I waste my time trying to convince someone else that I am worthy of their respect when I could just stop calling?

To quote Joe from The Princess Diaries, who was quoting Eleanor Roosevelt (from real life), "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  So all you Sally Big Noses and Roxanne Lazy Eyes, quit calling the people who can't see past that.  Don't give them the satisfaction of deciding who you are.  Rock your quirks!

on repeat

God in my hoping, there in my dreaming
God in my watching, God in my waiting
God in my laughter, there in my weeping
God in my hurting, God in my healing

Everything
Tim Hughes

just sayin'...

The pool at the W hotel is kind of awesome.  I can't tell you how I know that; I just do!

And in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

not this girl

In the past 12 hours, I definitely did not...

eat approximately 7 donut holes, 3 pieces of cake, and a giant chocolate chip cookie.

sport some boyfriend jeans that maybe fit a little more like jeggings now.

perform my old half-time field entrance routine in the conference room at work.

get into a heated debate about the details of the proposals in Bride Wars and He's Just Not That Into You (Dare to challenge my chick flick knowledge?!).

receive a final notice for toll violations in the amount of $128.80 (only $3.30 of which were actual toll prices).

take the first bite of someone else's lunch.

convince myself that six sit-ups is a decent workout.

go to Half Price Books in search of textbooks and leave with Catch Phrase and The Office Trivia Game.

buy a purse and consequently have no money to put in it.

send a text message to myself to remind me to do something and then legitimately get excited when my phone beeped...only to realize it was me.

help explain the ins and outs of Hannah Montana versus Miley Cyrus to a somewhat confused fan.

giggle at an old Johnson Boat commercial.

jet over to a friend's house for movie night in lieu of my evening plans to go for a run, clean house, and lesson plan.

Nope!  Not this girl!  But that girl sure does sound like fun!