too late to 'pologize?

Dear Concerned Father,

I am sorry for almost plowing over your daughter on the upper bunny fair...and I'm sorry for saying "sh--" when that happened.

Sincerely,
Flash of Blue

sneak peek

Here's a little preview of what my ski trip has been like so far:

On the first day, my ski instructor informed me that my pants were not meant to be worn as outerwear...they are aparently a base layer.  Good thing he told me this at the beginning of the day so I felt like an idiot for 6 more hours.  A very cold idiot.

Armed with some new ski pants, I hit the bunny slopes this morning looking oh-so-sporty.  And then I almost hit about 57 people waiting in the lift lines.  Imagine me flying down a hill, out of countrol and attempting to do "the wedge," yelling "SORRY!" as I slide about half an inch to the left of the lift line and fall in perfect hurdle stance, taking down a mesh fence in the process.  As if I didn't already feel ridiculous, the lady next to me decided she would be funny and yell, "Hey, this girl's trying to cut in line!"

Yep.  I'm a natural.  Cross your fingers for a safe day on the real slopes tomorrow...especially if you're on them with me!

virtual advice

Since my last post, I spent two hours on the phone with my internet service provider to get help setting up my wireless router.  Not only did the customer service representative fail to help me set it up, but she and her team of professionals managed to somehow ruin my modem so that I lost internet service altogether, hence my absence from the cyber world.  Joy.

On top of that, my computer takes about thirty-two minutes to power on and has five vertical neon lines that refuse to leave the right side of the screen.  Clicking on the little arrows to scroll up or down is like playing pin the tail on the donkey, only way less fun.  As much as I hate to do it, I'm gonna have to make like a middle-aged man and trade my old model in for a younger, faster version.  And because I know nothing about computers (really...if you ask me what kind I want, I'll probably say, "a cute one"), all suggestions are welcome!

P.S. In case my lack of cable and internet was not enough, my DVD player decided to play a little trick on me as well.  No worries though.  I have outsmarted it.  All I have to do is...

• Crawl under the entertainment center (I use that term loosely.  It's really a shoe-shelf from Ikea circa 2002).
• Push the power button on the power strip twice in rapid succession.
• Jump up to the DVD player before the TV makes a clicking noise (what is that?).
• Press the power button on the DVD player.
• Press the open/close button several times until the DVD player makes a whirring noise.
• Let the tray open and close once (it will do this without prompting).
• Press the open button again.
• Insert DVD.
• Press menu on the remote.
• Go to scene selections.
• Select scene 1 (NEVER attempt to "play movie").
• Relax and enjoy your state-of-the-art entertainment!

Note: if at any point you make a false move, repeat all previous steps.

breaking point

In addition to work...

Find and read 5 articles on the treatment of dementia
Write a comprehensive case conceptualization
Write a final self evaluation
Somehow complete 4 hours of a cultural excursion
Write a reflection of cultural excursion experience
Study for final exam (read approximately 37 chapters)
Take final exam

...all by Wednesday

Could I not...

...remember my cousin's birthday?!  Happy belated birthday, Liz!  Sorry I'm a terrible cousin!  Feel free to forget my birthday next year...as I get older, that little act of forgetfulness becomes less and less offensive.

Could you not?

Could you not use crazy glue to attach the foil seal to the rim of the peanut butter jar? Who do you think is trying to break into those things anyway?!

Could you not play sappy love songs at the grocery store? Going to Kroger and trying to buy things in single portions is difficult enough as is; I don't need to be reminded that if I had a significant other, I could save some major cash and perhaps for once, the bread wouldn't go bad!

Could you not power walk behind me and wait for me to notice you before huffing by? There is a phrase for these occasions, and it goes a little something like this: "excuse me."

Could you not use the entire bottle of perfume in one giant douse? I know it was only three bucks at Wal-mart and smells just like the real thing, but that does not give you license to be gluttonous with it.

Could you not package hot dogs in eights and buns in sixes? I believe Steve Martin already demonstrated the madness that ensues when people automatically assume that hot dogs will always be consumed in multiples of 24.

Could you not play Red Red Wine on repeat? Believe it or not, there are other songs out there that can make you feel so fine and keep you rockin' all of the time.

Could you not ask me what I'm eating and then make a face when I tell you the answer? If it looks unappetizing to you, then why do want to know the name of it? Clearly it is not going to be on your grocery list!

Could you not flicker the lights to get everyone's attention? I mean, sure, you got our attention...and now we all kind of hate you. Your only saving grace is that you have probably damaged our eyes enough so that we will not recognize you, and even if we did, our depth perception would be so affected that none of our punches would land where intended.

Could you not lolligag in the parking lot when I'm clearly trying to park in the space where said lolligagging is occurring? On second thought, continue. I really like the word lolligag, and I'm not sure I'll have a reason to say it if you're not doing it. On third thought, I suppose it could be a win-win if you resist the urge to lolligag, and then I can say, "Hey, thanks! Way to not lolligag!"

Could you not have a cute little outdoor two-step lesson by the pond with your Barbie girlfriend while us single gals walk our dogs in the cold? We're tired, we're cranky, and we're not afraid to ask our precious pups to poop where your boot might land.

ghetto fabulous

I think maybe the best thing about apartment life is the fact that when Christmas rolls around, you can unplug the "special" lamp from the outlet that is controlled by a light switch and put your sparsely decorated and slightly tilted fake Christmas tree in its place.  A Christmas tree that lights up with the flip of a light switch?!  I've never seen that on Cribs!

Oh, also, there's the fact that when you're too cheap to pay for cable, you can peek across the street and try to read lips on your neighbor's giant television.

half (of the) full

When I was young, my mom started a tradition of buying me a Christmas ornament each year.  The idea was to create a collection that would one day adorn my very own tree, but most of them still stay at my mom's house.  They are kept in a box separate from all of the other ornaments, and I am the only person who is allowed to hang them on the tree.  I love to unwrap them from their tissue paper and remember all of the events that led me to such an odd assortment.  One of my favorites is a brittle-winged Tinkerbell that is no stranger to super glue.  I think she's in need of some pixie dust, because she sure has had some trouble flying!  Another ornament seems to defy the laws of gravity and pixie dust.  I begged and pleaded for an ugly flying pig with movable legs until my mom finally gave in.  The little guy likes to hang out on the back of the tree with all of the googly-eyed clothespin reindeer and baked clay wreaths.  But the effort I put into my persuasive pig-buying argument pales in comparison to the work that I put into obtaining this year's ornament.  It may have been free (if you don't count the registration fee), but it cost me more than a handful of Saturday mornings.  13.2 (yes, 2!) miles later, I can say that it was worth it!  My little Charlie Brown Christmas tree has never been so proud!  And neither have I!

Congratulations, Mack Pack!

on your mark...

The next time I post, I will have completed a half marathon!  I'm crazy nervous, like the night before the first day of school when you lay out all your clothes and pretend to sleep.  I have my socks tucked neatly in my shoes, my shirt and pants folded together, and a packet of peanuts all ready for my cold ears!  Wish me luck!

Roger that!

A brief conversation that I witnessed today...

Mr. Keppler: Hey, Roger.  Are you ready for the Employee of the Week announcement?

Roger: Yep!  Week 14, Employee of the week!  Woohoo!

Mr. Keppler: That's right!  We'll meet in Mr. Webb's room in ten minutes.  Go tell everyone.

Roger: Okay!  (turns to leave, then turns back around with his hand to his forehead)  Just one thing...

Mr. Keppler: What's that?

Roger: Who is Roger?

Mr. Keppler: (looking suspiciously at me and then at Roger)  That's you.  You're Roger.

Roger: Oh, okay.  Just checking.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who needs a break!

A very important P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beautiful cousin Becca!

no backing out (or up) now!

Tonight's run was the last one before the big day!  In the words of some character from Armageddon, "I'm 98% excited and 2% nervous...or 98% nervous and 2% excited.  I don't know.  That's what makes it so intense!"  Also adding to the intensity was the near car experience I had.  Typically, at small intersections, I like to cross the street behind the line of cars instead of in front of them.  The idea is to reduce the risk of being hit by said cars.  I apparently neglected to consider the possibility that the last driver in the middle lane would spontaneously change his mind, throw his Civic in reverse, and come within inches of super cautious me.  Luckily I have the reflexes of a cat...a cat that runs like Phoebe and yells "woooaaaahhh!"

Also, I'm quite certain that the set designer for Parenthood stole the couch from Golden Girls and put it in Crosby's boathouse.  Why do I know these things?!

a simple matter of ratios

For one of my classes, I am required to write a self-evaluation of how my experience in the class has changed me.  It's supposed to be two-pages long, which really works in my favor because that's exactly how much room I need.  One page for the B, and one page for the S.  I might have to adjust the font and margins a bit, but it shouldn't be a problem...I've had practice.