cooking up a storm

After two hours in the kitchen, I have successfully boiled eggs...and made a huge mess.  How does that even happen?!  This is exactly why I don't cook.
Sidenote: I was informed of the recent egg scare today at work, and all the talk made me really want some eggs!  Is that weird?  Shouldn't I be running away from them and not toward them?!

Also, I just spent the last ten minutes crawling under my bed, throwing milkbones at (not to...I was too mad to throw them to) Layla in an attempt to get her to drop the napkin she snuck out of the trash.  I was unsuccessful.  Anyone know if it's okay for a dog to eat two paper towels?  And no, I don't mean mentally okay; I'm well aware of the fact that she is certifiably crazy.

So now, I smell like eggs, I'm covered in carpet lint, and I'm keeping a close eye on my very absorbent dog.  Be jealous!

The back o' your head is ridiculous!

Two days ago I found an iPhone on the sidewalk near my apartment complex.  It had a missed call from "Jenny Fat A--."  I'm not sure who that is, but I'm pretty sure that's not her real name.  And I'm willing to bet she doesn't know that's how she's listed in someone else's phone...otherwise, she probably wouldn't be calling.  Or would she?

One of my biggest struggles is fear of man.  Not fear of men (although that one does sneak up on me quite often) but fear of man...constantly worrying about what others think of me.  If I were listed in someone's phone as "Leslie Man Laugh" or "Leslie Talks-Too-Much," I would spend an incredible amount of time and energy trying to change that person's opinion of me.  Why?  Why would I waste my time trying to convince someone else that I am worthy of their respect when I could just stop calling?

To quote Joe from The Princess Diaries, who was quoting Eleanor Roosevelt (from real life), "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  So all you Sally Big Noses and Roxanne Lazy Eyes, quit calling the people who can't see past that.  Don't give them the satisfaction of deciding who you are.  Rock your quirks!

on repeat

God in my hoping, there in my dreaming
God in my watching, God in my waiting
God in my laughter, there in my weeping
God in my hurting, God in my healing

Everything
Tim Hughes

just sayin'...

The pool at the W hotel is kind of awesome.  I can't tell you how I know that; I just do!

And in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

not this girl

In the past 12 hours, I definitely did not...

eat approximately 7 donut holes, 3 pieces of cake, and a giant chocolate chip cookie.

sport some boyfriend jeans that maybe fit a little more like jeggings now.

perform my old half-time field entrance routine in the conference room at work.

get into a heated debate about the details of the proposals in Bride Wars and He's Just Not That Into You (Dare to challenge my chick flick knowledge?!).

receive a final notice for toll violations in the amount of $128.80 (only $3.30 of which were actual toll prices).

take the first bite of someone else's lunch.

convince myself that six sit-ups is a decent workout.

go to Half Price Books in search of textbooks and leave with Catch Phrase and The Office Trivia Game.

buy a purse and consequently have no money to put in it.

send a text message to myself to remind me to do something and then legitimately get excited when my phone beeped...only to realize it was me.

help explain the ins and outs of Hannah Montana versus Miley Cyrus to a somewhat confused fan.

giggle at an old Johnson Boat commercial.

jet over to a friend's house for movie night in lieu of my evening plans to go for a run, clean house, and lesson plan.

Nope!  Not this girl!  But that girl sure does sound like fun!

I thought you said curling iron.

Have you ever caught a glance of your home as you close the door to leave for work and think to yourself, "I really hope I don't have an emergency today and people have to come in here and see this, because even in a state of comatose, I would be totally mortified!"?  Well, that has pretty much been my thought every morning for the past, oh, ten to twelve weeks.  And today, my fears came true when two hours into the school day, I realized that I had left two sets of hot rollers plugged in in the bathroom and would need back up.  I immediately imagined Layla howling for help while my apartment - with its piles of laundry and dishes and trash and unread mail - went up in flames.

I made a call to my apartment offices, which weren't open yet (Who opens at 11:00 on a Thursday?!  If you can afford to stay closed that long, then you definitely don't need the seven dollar a month increase you charged me for the next year's rent!), and I was redirected to a woman in North Carolina.  When she asked if I had an emergency, I didn't quite know how to answer.  It is difficult to explain the urgency of needing to unplug a hairstyling tool.  Also, when I think of hot rollers, I think of, "mature" women, so instead of telling her that I had hot rollers plugged in, I lied and said it was a curling iron.  You know, because that makes me less crazy.  Why I do things like that, I do not know.  Like it really matters if some woman in North Carolina, who probably already thinks I'm an idiot, knows that I use hot rollers!  Anyway, I apparently got the point across because ten minutes later, I got a call from the on site maintenance team asking if I did, in fact, have an "electrical emergency."

Do I have an electrical emergency?  Why, yes.  Yes I do.  And could you please fix it by going to my apartment, walking all balance-beam-like through the tiny path in the kitchen that is not obstructed by shoes, school craft projects, and bags of donation clothes, then proceed to play hopscotch through the laundry in the hallway until you dead end at the bathroom door, open it slowly so as not to knock over the the-end-times-are-coming-any-minute-and-we-need-to-be-prepared-sized bag of dogfood and unplug my...my...hot rollers?  What's that?  Oh, yeah, I know it says curling iron, but they're actually hot rollers (Did I just hear a laugh?).  Now, you'll have to be careful of everything balanced on the bathroom counter; one false move, and it all comes tumbling down.  Also, I have a hyperactive dog who is prone to escaping, so when you're coming and going, if you could just kind of squeeze yourself through the smallest possible opening in the doorway (that's right, just suck it all in) and use your foot to keep her inside, that would be great.

So, that was my morning.  A little embarrassing for several reasons, but not the end of the world.  My piles of laundry and dishes and trash and unread mail were still here waiting for me when I got home, as was my dog, who is currently running through said piles, grabbing at various items and tossing them up into the air.  It may be chaos over here, but my hair looks fabulous, if I do say so myself!

8 words or less

long day, good run, angry knees, happy girl

wil-der-ness (wil'der nis) n. any barren, empty, or open area

A few years ago, my cousin Katie shared one of her favorite verses with me.  When I say share, I do not mean show.  I mean she let me borrow it, to take what was a special word between her and God and claim it for myself for a season.  In the book of Hosea, God tells his prophet to speak to the Israelites of their impending destruction.  Because the Israelites have made idols from the very gifts that the Lord gave them, God decides to take their blessings away.  But he does not leave them destitute.  After stripping them of everything that has stolen their attention and affections, God invites them into relationship with him.

Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.

(Hosea 2:14, NIV)

I have learned that any time you see the word "therefore," you need to see what it's there for (sorry for the blatant dad joke...the first of many, I'm sure).  So why is God wooing these people?  In the previous verse, God says Israel "went after her lovers, but me she forgot."  So many things speak to me in this passage, the most powerful being the fact that God refers to himself as me.  This scripture could have been recorded a thousand different and less personal ways, but God really makes himself vulnerable here.  I hurt because you chose someone else.  How many times have we felt that?  And how many times have we responded with the amount of grace and forgiveness that God offers?  God's consequence in this situation is a testimony to the type of love that he is.  He is not a selfish love that hopes that we will one day see the error of our ways and be forever remorseful for the one that got away.  He is not an insecure love that needs our affections to validate his worth.  He is not a controlling love that forces us to worship him.  He is a gentle love that pursues us, allures us, brings us to places of solitude and poverty so that we can hear his voice.

Although this verse has been a great comfort to me, it had gone untouched in my memory for quite some time until another verse in Leviticus tapped its shoulder and woke it up.  I have to admit, I was surprised that Leviticus could wake anything up seeing as how it has served as a great tool for putting me to sleep, but I suppose when you pray for God to bring to life the dullest book of the Bible, he comes through for you!  Leviticus 1 through 7 outlines the instructions for offerings made to the Lord at the Tabernacle.  The last verse of chapter 7 states, "The Lord gave these instructions to Moses on Mount Sinai when he commanded the Israelites to bring their offerings to the Lord in the wilderness of Sinai" (Leviticus 7:38, NLT).  When I read this, I thought to myself, what could the Israelites possibly have to offer in the wilderness?  Isn't ten percent of nothing...nothing?  I thought of the times when God has led me into the wilderness or the desert.  In those times, I had nothing to offer.  No money.  No wisdom.  No talents.  No hope.  And suddenly I realized that that is exactly what God wants from us.  He wants us to give him our nothingness so that he can give us his fullness.  He wants us to trust him with our poverty and our foolishness and our ineptitude and our hopelessness.  If we can willingly give our emptiness to him and trust that he will fill, then we can finally stop chasing our deceitful lovers and start chasing the one true God.

And now, time for a less profound confession.  Every time I see the word wilderness, I get a little Madonna song stuck in my head.  I'll let you figure out which one!

something about your summer

Well, today was the first day of school! I won't lie...I had my outfit all picked out before I went to bed last night. See, here it is!

I also had my lunch made!  Of course, my lunch was a frozen Healthy Choice meal that I bought from a gas station, but it counts!

In keeping with my theme of predictable first day of school behaviors, I came up with quite a cliche warm-up activity for the kids: On an index card, write something about your summer that you would like the class to know.  When the kids asked for clarification, I said, "Some people wrote about going on a vacation; some people wrote about hanging out with friends; some people wrote about going to the movies.  Just write something about your summer."  So that's exactly what Kevin* did.  In very neat handwriting, he wrote, something about your summer.

It's going to be a long year.

*name changed to protect the innocent...and highly literal

conversations with cashiers

I have to admit, when I go shopping, I am always on a mission and rarely take the time to interact with the store employees.  This first conversation makes me think I'm on the right track, but the second one leads me to believe that I could be missing out on some real gems!

At Macy's, trying to put a pair of shoes on hold over the phone
Cashier: Okay, what is your name?
Me: Leslie
C: Can you spell that?
Me: L-E-S
C: O-A
Me: No, L-E
C: O-A
Me: L-E-S
C: O-A-S
Me: L-E-S-L-I-E
C: O-A-S-O-I-E
Me: L-E...You know what?  You have it right.  That's it.
C: Okay!  Wait.  Your name is Leslie?
Me: Yes
C: Well, that is not how you spell Leslie.
Okay, a) I am well aware that Leslie (or any other name, for that matter) is not spelled with five vowels and only one consonant, b) you are right...that is not how I spell Leslie; that is how you spell Leslie, and c) if you know how to spell Leslie, why did you ask me to spell it in the first place?!

At Home Depot, buying chair cushions from a chipper woman rockin' some denim shorts, folded down white ruffled socks (apparently they make those in adult sizes), and black clogs
Cashier: That will be ten dollars and eighty-one cents.
Me: Ah, that's the first thing I've paid tax on all day!
C: Yeah, but I hear the tax free thing is only for certain items.  I think maybe just for bras.  I heard those are tax free because school is starting.
Um, does anyone else wonder what the correlation is here?

So, if ever our carts meet in Kroger, you might not want to get in line behind me because I fully intend to chat it up with anyone who sports the logo!

arts and crafts

When I was a kid, my family had a lake house in Livingston.  Normally, there is not much to see in Livingston, other than the lake, but once a year all of the locals gather at the courthouse right across the street from Church's chicken for the annual Pinecone Festival.  I saved my allowance for months in anticipation of all of the one-of-a-kind items that would be set before me on folding card tables - googly-eyed ceramic frogs, necklaces made from yarn and painted wooden blocks, laminated bookmarks, and magnets made from pantyhose that had been stuffed with cotton and twisted into the shapes of plump women's faces.  Oh, to be seven and running around in the teddy bear exhibit with a bag of popcorn and a grubby wad of one dollar bills just burning a hole in the pocket of my neon Yaga jammers!

These days, I'm still a fan of arts and crafts, but I'd like to think that I've moved on to more sophisticated and tasteful pieces.  So today, when my cousin challenged all of the guests at her sister's wedding shower to make a veil out of tissue paper, I thought for sure I would steal the show.  Wrong.  Who new the next Vera Wang would be sitting across the room working magic with some old processed tree bark?!  It's okay though.  Who needs to know how to make a veil?!  I can make lots of other things.  I can make a turkey out of the outline of my hand!  I can make a super stylin' purse out of an old pair of jeans and some puff paint!  I can make a pretty convincing seagull noise!  I can make three trips to Target in one day!  I can make a happy plate!  And sometimes, just sometimes, I can even make myself smile while wearing a ridiculous getup!

Happy Happily Ever After, Sarah!

10 Points Off

I must say, I was disappointed last night when I woke up randomly and realized I had forgotten to write my daily blog entry...and I was relieved when I checked the time on my phone and saw that it was after midnight and there was nothing I could do about it.  So here is the first of what I'm sure will be many late assignments that I turn in to you with my head tucked in shame.  Sadly, I do not have anything profound or witty to make up for my lack of punctuality.

What I do have to say is...my mom is coming to town!  Hooray!  For any of you who know my mom and me together, you know that our activities will require the following items:

credit card (or three) - to buy much needed cute clothes and accessories, 75% of which we will return

Starbucks treat - to power through that mid afternoon lull when your brain tries to convince you that you don't need any more new shoes, when in fact, nothing could be further from the truth!

cordless drill - to hang curtains and reassemble old chairs and tables found on heavy trash day

level - to tell us that the curtains (and chair seats and table tops) are crooked

toothpaste - to fill in the six or seven holes in the wall from all of the crooked curtain crises

paint - to cover up the toothpaste

Hmmm...the last part of our list is sounding a lot like If You Give a Moose a Muffin.  Look for the newest version, If You Give Your Mom a Drill, at a Blogspot near you!

(Re)Work It!

Most of you have heard about my, um, very energetic and affectionate dog Layla.  Some of you have even had the joy of meeting her...up close and personal.  What you may not know about Layla is that, despite her lack of opposable thumbs, she is quite dexterous and can dress herself!  To boot, she has a nose for fashion!  Here is a small sampling of some of her favorite outfits.

1. Layla is sporting an outdoorsy and highly versatile fleece pullover from the Old Navy collection, circa 2000.  Although most prefer to pull this garment over their head, Layla has put a modern spin on an old classic by squeezing her snout ever so forcefully through the sleeve.  This really compresses the front quarters into a warm little bundle and keeps the eyes pressed shut for maximum protection against those chilly Dallas snow flurries.

2. Moving on to the summer essentials, Layla models a classic white cotton camisole with built in bra, courtesy of Kohl's.  That's right ladies, whether you have one set of "chest accessories" or four (and a half), this little number will keep you cool, comfortable, and supported.  Although a wonderful summer look, Layla does suggest that consumers pair it with nice light trousers or cargo shorts, as most fashionistas do not have the figure or markings to go pantsless.

3. Layla's third and final look for the evening is a tribute to the more athletic shoppers.  Here, after a long and demanding walk on which she "conducted business" and ate her fair share of abandoned ice cream cones by the pond, Layla lounges in a conservative yet playful pair of jogging shorts by Nike.  She boasts that the three inch inseam really is the way to go if you want to accentuate those collar bones.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen!  I hope you have enjoyed tonight's fashion show and have learned some creative new ways to rethink and rework your wardrobe.

Thank You, Stress!

I have found that my best runs are spontaneously inspired by stressful situations.  Sometimes when I can't stand the thought of one more thought, the only thing to do is run.  One foot in front of the other seems to break the cycle in my head, and for twenty or thirty or sixty minutes, I have peace.  So here is my ode to all things annoying!

Thank you stress
And fear
And doubt
And confusion
And hope
And exhaustion

Thank you for swimming circles in my head
For pushing my lips to pray
And my feet to move

Thank you for restless nights
And days of interrupted thought
For breaking into my consciousness
Without warning
Without permission
And without fail

Thank you for exposing the crazy in me
The irrational
The controlling
The compromising
The stubborn and unyielding

Thank you for pushing me to a better way
Whether I like it or not
(And believe me, I don't)

Thank you for being stronger
And wiser
And more persistent and elusive than my willpower

Thank you for pushing me to wrestle with you
Without logic
Without foolishness
Without strategy
But with honesty
And acceptance
And a rhythmic solitude

Thank you for the run

P.S. Only because I promised to mention it if it ever happened again...this evening, a guy did in fact ask me if I could flush his eye out.  What do I look like, people?  A safety station in the chemistry lab?  Watch your corneas and bring your own water!

hide and seek

Today, during our district's much anticipated welcome back ceremony, thousands of teachers watched a video about the recent explosion in social networking (we may have also done a choreographed dance to a Black Eyed Peas song...in pews...at a Baptist church...but I digress).  I'm still not exactly sure of the administration's purpose in presenting the "socialnomics" video, but one concept did stand out to me: "We no longer search for the news; the news finds us...In the near future we will no longer search for products and services; they will find us via social media."

For some reason, shifts in society have always struck fear in me, even when I did not live through those changes.  There is a sense of awe and humility in knowing that you contribute to something that you ultimately cannot control.  The idea of news and products and services finding us terrifies me.  It immediately brings to mind sermons and radio clips about spiritual warfare.  Peter warns us that our enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).  I imagine the devil and his army creeping into our homes through our facebook pages and twitter accounts and youtube searches.  I know that those things in themselves are not evil (hello, blog!), but I think that they create great potential for temptation, complacency, and false community.  How easy it would be for the evil one to project his lies onto us by feeding us information about products and services.  The most charming and dangerous characteristic of the devil is that he has excellent customer service.  He is willing and able to come to us; we do not have to seek him out.

This has an overwhelming impact on our relationships with the Lord.  Is it any wonder that a generation that has become accustomed to quick delivery of information and goods has difficulty pursuing the Lord?  Do we even know how to look for God?  If everything is handed to us - what to believe, what to buy, where to go, what music to listen to - then why do we need to look for anything at all?  Everything we need will eventually come to us, right?  Perhaps.  But know that a multitude of other things that we don't need will also be within our reach.

So what do we do about it?  Do we boycott the internet and terminate our cell phone contracts?  For some of us, that may in fact be the wisest decision.  Paul encourages us to be devoted and watchful in prayer (Colossians 4:2), and Peter, just before describing the devil's schemes, tells us to be self-controlled and alert (1 Peter 5:8).  We need to be aware of our weaknesses and pray against the enemy.  Whether we acknowledge him or not, the devil does exist, and his burning desire is to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10).

I am not writing this to inspire fear or guilt.  I am writing it to remind myself that my pursuit of the Lord needs to be stronger than the devil's pursuit of me.  I definitely have not figured out exactly how to go about seeking the Lord with all my heart, but I trust that God will bless my disciplined efforts because the truth is, he wants to be found.  He has designed this game of hide and seek as a means of revealing his glory and allowing me to discover the mysteries of his boundless existence.  And when it comes down to it, we all know that the greatest buys are not those that find us; they are the shoes we found while digging through a clearance bin in the back room of a department store, or the antique necklace that happened to be tucked away in the corner of a flea market booth, or that old mantel that you found propped behind a stack of cracked and distorted mirrors in a consignment shop.  You hold onto those things because the stories of how you found them are as precious as the items themselves.

a little advice

Today was the first day back to work after a very enjoyable summer.  I'm a bit exhausted, so I'm going to keep it short and sweet.  Here is what I learned today.

Tips for a good run:
Go at sunset.
Pet some horses along the way!
Do NOT eat leftover eggs benedict before lacing up your shoes.

Can you guess which word of advice I didn't take?!

breaking camp

A few years ago during our family’s annual vacation to Galveston, which we affectionately refer to as Beach Week, my cousin Austin humored us with some ocean-side entertainment. The aunts and cousins lounged in beach chairs while Austin serenaded us with a heartfelt and fervent rendition of Avalon’s “I Don’t Want to Go.” I had heard the song on the radio many times, but never like this. Austin stood on his toes with his chest rounded out and his arms positioned slightly behind him…the perfect stance for maximum projection. His eyebrows furrowed as he belted out the chorus:


I don’t want to go somewhere
If I know that you’re not there
‘Cause I know that me without you is a lie
And I don’t want to walk that road
Be a million miles from home
‘Cause my heart needs to be where you are
So I don’t want to go

True, it is a cheesy song, and if it didn’t conjure up some giggles and memories of that moment on the beach, I would reach for the radio dial the minute it came on the airwaves. But I can’t help but think of those lyrics when I read Numbers 9:15-23. The Israelites were a people who desperately wanted to be near God, so much so that they spontaneously planted and uprooted their families to follow him. They camped and broke camp, sometimes staying put for years, and sometimes for only a night.

Don’t get me wrong, I love camping. I love the smell of a tent. I love breakfast tacos in the morning and s’mores at night. I love telling stories by the fire. I love riding bikes through circles of RVs and along pine needle paths. I love crawling into a sleeping bag, worn out from the lazy heat of the day, and letting the crickets soothe me to sleep with their winged lullabies. But I also love knowing when the adventure will end and I can take a decent shower.

I’m not sure that I would be a “happy camper” if, in the middle of a cozy round of Kumbaya, the fire started moving and I had to immediately pack up my belongings, take down a tent, and walk an unknown number of miles until the fire settled again...only to have to reconstruct the tent and break in a new campsite for an indefinite period of time. I know the Israelites’ camping was not like ours; their breaking camp would be more like our moving. And I’ll tell you what. As much as I hate setting up and breaking down a tent, I would do it a hundred times before packing all of my belongings into boxes and carting them around at random.

So what can I learn from the Israelites? How did they remain obedient to the Lord when his shifting presence interrupted times of fun and leisure or times of exhaustion and deep sleep? What kind of hope kept them going?

I think the Israelites knew that there was always something better ahead of them. Maybe not at the next campground…or the one after that…but ultimately, God had a plan for them. They did not get offended when he pulled away from them; they followed him. They literally chased after the Lord. And they wasted no time in their pursuit. When the cloud moved, they moved. When the fire moved, they moved.

But even more impressive to me is the Israelites’ willingness to stay put. Sometimes your affection for the Lord is made more evident in your waiting than it is in your action. I know that I’ve been all “go, go, go” the past few days, and I do think that the Lord is calling me to take action in my life, but I also think that it is important for me – for all of us – to rest in his presence and trust that he will work his plan in his perfect time. Godly action seems to solicit more attention and encouragement because it can be seen, but godly waiting, in my humble opinion, is often a more difficult and praiseworthy task.

So for those of you on the move, keep going! Break camp and run after God! And for those of you whose clouds and fire are set before you, rejoice in the fact that God is near, and let him be enough. Trust that he will move you again when the time is right.

day or night

"The tabernacle was set up, and on that day the cloud covered it.  Then from evening until morning, the cloud over the Tabernacle appeared to be a pillar of fire.  This was the regular pattern - at night the cloud changed to the appearance of fire.  When the cloud lifted from over the sacred tent, the people of Israel followed it.  And wherever the cloud settled, the people of Israel camped.  In this way, they traveled at the Lord's command and stopped wherever he told them to.  Then they remained where they were as long as the cloud stayed over the Tabernacle.  If the cloud remained over the Tabernacle for a long time, the Israelites stayed for a long time, just as the Lord commanded.  Sometimes the cloud would stay over the Tabernacle for just a few days, so the people would stay for only a few days.  Then at the Lord's command they would break camp.  Sometimes the cloud stayed only overnight and moved on the next morning.  But day or night, when the cloud lifted, the people broke camp and followed.  Whether the cloud stayed above the Tabernacle for two days, a month, or a year, the people of Israel stayed in camp and did not move on.  But as soon as it lifted, they broke camp and moved on.  So they camped or traveled at the Lord's command, and they did whatever the Lord told them through Moses."
Numbers 9:15-23, NLT

...thoughts on this tomorrow

twenty-eight

In celebration of my 28th birthday, 28 things you may not know about me…

one
I think quart-size ziplock bags are the bee's knees.

two
In sixth grade, my tears over watching my crush kiss a girl on the cheek at a school dance were immediately stopped by the suggestion of a happy meal…this girl loved her some chicken McNuggets!

three
I once broke our VCR by putting The Little Mermaid in upside down and backwards. While my mom MacGyvered it out with a ruler and a number 2 pencil, I jumped on her exercise trampoline and promptly threw up the can of Spaghettios I had just eaten. We kept both the VCR and the trampoline for at least seven more years.

four

One of my favorite outfits in junior high was a red top with matching shorts. They had little white circles painted on them. When it was hot outside, that outfit left little white circles all over the bus seat. It was kind of awesome!

five
In elementary school, I pushed a kid who was walking in front of me and made him swallow a quarter. Not my fault. What the heck was he doing with a quarter in his mouth anyway?!

six
When I was a kid, I had my very own set of kitchen spoons. They were my favorite toys. I dug holes in the yard with them.

seven
I was a terror in daycare. I bit lots of people and was punished by washing my mouth out with soap. Consequently, bath time was a bit confusing for me. Ivory soap was particularly tasty!

eight
In college, I went out dancing a total of two times. The first time, I stood in the corner with my corduroy jacket (sexy, eh?) wrapped tightly around me, scowling at the madness that was going on right before my very eyes. The second time, I ventured out onto the dance floor with a swing enthusiast. It was a country bar. We did a lot of spinning and then literally sprinted to another corner to spin some more until the crowd caught up with us and it was time to run again. It was exhausting…and slightly embarrassing.

nine
I kind of wish that two-stepping was an admired ability because I’m more than decent at it.

ten

I once tore a page out of a hymnal and used it as toilet paper. It was my sixth week in a third world country, and I had had about all I could stand. I flipped through the book first and chose a song I didn’t recognize. The chances of them ever singing it were slim to none anyway.

eleven
I used to tell people that I had a crush on Danny Devito. Turns out that’s not the guy who plays Danny in Grease.

twelve
I tend to make super awkward faces when trying to smile at cute guys. My friend Angela has named them. A favorite is “stroke face”…only half of my mouth moves, and the other half just stays in place. It’s adorable (refer to picture with fun fact number four).

thirteen
Just a few weeks ago, I ended up stranded at the grocery store. I had just purchased a watermelon. My solution was to go to the barber shop next door and use their phone to call my mom to come get me. So I did. I walked in with the watermelon, explained that I needed to use the phone to have my mom come pick me up, and waited with a very nice woman who looked quite concerned for me. There was a cute guy in there getting his hair cut. I made stroke face at him. He was not amused.

fourteen
In second grade, I inherited a hand-me-down jumpsuit from my cousin Katie. It had a grey body with a zipper down the front, a yellow sleeve, a pink sleeve, a purple leg, and a blue leg. It looked kind of like feety pajamas, and I was elated to finally receive it! I was so elated, in fact, that when I went to the restroom at school and the yellow sleeve fell in the toilet, I simply wrung it out, slid my arm back into it, zipped up, washed my hands (no germs for this girl!), and returned to class. I was determined not to take another trip to the nurse’s office and end up wearing boy jeans while holding my clothes in a Walmart bag! Keep reading...you'll understand.

fifteen
I once wet my pants in elementary school because I couldn’t get the bathroom door to lock. When I explained the incident to my dad, he asked, “Why didn’t you just leave the door unlocked?” At that point, I realized that my dad was definitely smarter than me!

sixteen
My first vacuum cleaner purchase was the direct result of a small but terrifying kitchen fire. While trying to boil water, I put the pot on one burner and ignited a different burner that had a dishtowel strewn over it. I frantically emptied a box of baking soda onto the stove to put the fire out…and I bought a vacuum cleaner to clean up the baking soda. Too bad, too…I had lived in that apartment for a year without vacuuming!

seventeen
Once, when I was shopping with my aunt and cousin, I tried to slip a necklace over my head and was startled when the strand broke and beads went flying with incredible force in all directions. I looked at the jewelry card in my hand and read the small print at the bottom: anklet.

eighteen
In high school, I electrocuted myself three times within a period of one week. A word of advice to all the Holly Housewives: don’t pick the toaster up by the slots while wiping down the countertop with a wet cloth.

nineteen
Next to Jesus, my Pappaw was the most joy-inspiring person to walk this earth. He taught me how to sing Pancho and Lefty, how to drive a stick-shift, and how to rate the poison level of a jelly fish based on the number of “testacles” it had. Did I mention that he sometimes got me into trouble?

twenty
I eat sandwiches and burgers in concentric circles. The best bite is right in the middle, and you have to save it for last!

twenty-one
I am notorious for stealing drinks. If you have a beer within a five foot radius of me, and you turn your head for more than three seconds, then you have officially donated to the Leslie Howell Happy Hour!

twenty-two
The only time I have ever wrapped a house was on my thirteenth birthday. I asked permission first and cleaned it up the next day.

twenty-three
My freshman year of college, I flew off of a treadmill and into some metal bleachers. It was loud, and people stared. No worries though…I redeemed myself by immediately leaping back onto the treadmill and flailing my arms about until one of my fingers found the power button and turned the machine off. Guess what? Turns out you don’t actually have to be on the machine to turn it off. Go figure!

twenty-four
A week after the treadmill incident, I went running outside (you know, because it’s safer than a treadmill) and tripped on a wheelchair ramp in the busiest intersection on campus. Again, people stared, and again, I made quite the resilient comeback by springing right back up and running to my dorm, where I quickly raided the medicine cabinet. I sported band-aids on the knees and shins for quite some time.

…Now that I think about it, maybe this half marathon is not the best of ideas.

twenty-five
I learned the hard way not to put floaties on your ankles. It’s bottoms up and a long wait for your friend to stop laughing and rescue you!

twenty-six
I once watched as a seeing eye dog led a man straight into some construction zone fencing. I wasn’t sure if offering to help would embarrass him. Upon hearing the man’s loud curses at his dog Barkley, another man ran up to offer him help and gave me the stink eye. I stand by my decision.

twenty-seven

If I had a band, I would call it The Fishnettes. We would wear fishnet hose, and all of our instruments would be shaped like fish. I already have the tambourine! Thanks, Angela!

twenty-eight
I went to transition because I tormented all the kids in my kindergarten class. At first, I was opposed to going, but when I realized we got not one but two recesses, I was in! Plus, I got a Mickey Mouse calculator from Eric Cuato (sigh) at the Christmas party, and I learned how to draw a woman bending over in her garden and a cat looking at itself in a mirror...totally useful skills!

The Year in Review

I like to think of my birthday as my own personal new year, which would make today the last day of year twenty-seven.  I have to say, it was not the easiest year of my life, but it was one of my favorites.  Year twenty-seven was the year that Dallas (Plano) became my home.  It was the year that I finally risked leaving what was comfortable to try my hand at something that I really wanted.  It was the year that I shared a bathroom with my Memmaw, many tearful conversations with my cousin, and Oreos with my good friend.  It was the year that I lost the possibility of an old love returning and gained the freedom to hope in something more.  It was the year that God shed light on the bitterness and fear that have driven my decisions and revealed to me a better way of life.  Year twenty-seven was the year that God began to teach me about community by surrounding me with new friends who encourage me in the Lord.  It was a year of learning to desire him above anything and anyone else.  And it was a year to celebrate with a little sparkle on my toes!

Sought Out

After writing yesterday's post, I went back to the chapter in Isaiah in which we are commanded to give the Lord no rest.  It is heavily impressed on my heart today.  No words of mine could capture it, so I won't even try.

For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,

and for Jerusalem's sake I will not be quiet,

until her righteousness goes forth as brightness,

and her salvation as a burning torch.

The nations shall see your righteousness,

and all the kings your glory,

and you shall be called by a new name

that the mouth of the Lord will give.

You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord,

and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

You shall no more be termed Forsaken,

and your land shall no more be termed Desolate,

but you shall be called My Delight is in Her,

and your land Married;

for the Lord delights in you,

and your land shall be married.

For as a young man marries a young woman,

so shall your sons marry you,

and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,

so shall your God rejoice over you.

On your walls, O Jerusalem,

I have set watchmen;

all the day and all the night

they shall never be silent.

You who put the Lord in remembrance,

take no rest,

and give him no rest

until he establishes Jerusalem

and makes it a praise in the earth.

The Lord has sworn by his right hand

and by his mighty arm:

"I will not again give your grain to be food for your enemies,

and foreigners shall not drink your wine for which you have labored;

but those who garner it shall eat it and praise the Lord,

and those who gather it shall drink it in the courts of my sanctuary."

Go through, go through the gates;

prepare the way for the people;

build up, build up the highway;

clear it of stones;

lift up a signal over the peoples.

Behold, the Lord has proclaimed to the end of the earth:

Say to the daughter of Zion,

"Behold, your salvation comes;

behold, his reward is with him,

and his recompense before him."

And they shall be called The Holy People,

The Redeemed of the Lord;

and you shall be called Sought Out,

A City Not Forsaken.

Isaiah 62 (ESV)

Give Me No Rest

Tonight's entry will be relatively short.  I have a lot on my mind that I need to process, and I don't really feel like I'm in a position to post an inspiring word.  But, in keeping with yesterday's lesson, I'm going to follow through with my commitment to write something each day for a year.  I know it's only day four and already I'm giving myself a pep talk, but I still think I can do this (yeah, that's pretty much the pep talk)!

Although a portion of my day was difficult and disappointing, I am amazed at how intimately God knows me and cares for me.  If anyone can claim the excuse of being too busy to meet with me, it is him, yet he is the first to give me his full attention, and I know that my hardship is not trifling in his eyes (Nehemiah 9:32).  Even more amazing is the fact that he asks us to pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17) and to give him no rest (Isaiah 62:6-7)!  I can, at any time, as often as I want, bring anything to him without fear of ridicule or judgment.  My feelings are not wrong, or silly, or irrational, or inconvenient.  They are responses to difficulty, and God gently shapes them to reflect his own heart regarding the situation, no matter how small.

In church and small group, there has been a recent focus on prayer.  A question that keeps coming up is, "Why do we pray if God already knows what is going to happen?"  I don't have a hard and fast answer for that.  There are instances in the Bible when people wrestle with God in prayer, but his mind is made up and will not change.  There are other instances when people pray and God bends his plan.  I'm not sure what makes one prayer more effective than another, or if that is even the cause for different responses.  But I do know that God invites us to participate in carrying out his will.

When I thought about that tonight, I envisioned a mother allowing her young child to help her bake a cake.  The mother does not need the help of her son or daughter.  In fact, she would most likely do a better job in a shorter amount of time without ten little grubby fingers grabbing at the batter and dropping eggs on the floor.  But the mother delights in her child's giggles and remembers the joy and wonder of her work when her child watches wide-eyed through the oven window as the cake bubbles and breathes.  In the same way, the Lord delights in us (Zephaniah 3:17) and is passionate about his relationship with us (Exodus 34:14; isn't it interesting that he says this before giving us any commandments?).  It is his joy to involve us in the ins and outs of his plan.

I have heard the Lord described as merciful, sufficient, sovereign, omniscient, forgiving, righteous...and a long list of other words that are accurate, but have become somewhat impersonal.  If I had to label my opinion of him at this very moment in our journey, I would simply say that he is kind.  He has befriended me and pursued me both gently and relentlessly.  He has used prayer to prepare my heart to respond with gratitude to situations that would normally inspire bitterness.  Because of his desire to include me in his will, I have ventured to countries on the opposite side of the world and into the homes of dear friends just down the road.  And no matter what happens next on this journey, I know that he will be with me constantly until he has finished giving me everything that he has promised (Genesis 28:15).  So until that day, I will give the Lord no rest.

Red Light, Yellow Light, Green Light, GO!

Anyone dancing yet?!  Don't lie.

Alright, so this blog was originally intended to be a place where I could post all of the oddball things that I witness (or unknowingly participate in) each day, but it seems to be veering a different direction.  I'm okay with that.  I will, however, steer it back on course the moment I have an awkward interaction with a guy who, when I ask about his profession, immediately responds with some questions of his own: "Have you ever seen Stargate?  Are you familiar with wormholes?"  I will also be sure to mention that in the middle of our riveting conversation, complete with diagrams and makeshift origami universes, he exclaims (loudly) that he has something in his eye and asks if he can use my water to flush it out.  And I for sure won't leave out the fact that as he pours water all over his face, an older man decides that his workout routine simply cannot take a detour around the bench on which Hydro-Spaceman and I are sitting, and we are asked to move so that he may use the bench as an aerobic step for 30...40...50 lunges in shorts that for sure were meant to be worn by a much smaller woman in a different decade.  Yes, if that ever happens again, it will be documented on this very page.  But for now, let's get to business!

I have, as you know, been reflecting on what it means to hope.  Honestly, I've been thinking about it for quite some time now.  A couple years ago, my friend Dave and I went to a pottery shop, and I painted a little ceramic cross that says "hope" in the center.  It is blue with multi-colored polka dots.  At least, that was the idea...turns out I'm not so steady-handed with a paintbrush.  Nevertheless, hope has been on my mind for a while.

The only problem with thinking about hope is that hope is not meant to be thought; it is meant to be lived.  I have spent much time thinking about my life and little time acting on it.  I used to think my inactivity was the product of careful discernment of the Lord's will and patience in waiting on the Lord's timing.  I'm not exactly sure where I got the idea that the Lord's timing is evidenced when things get so bad you can't stand them anymore or so expensive you can't afford them anymore.  But that is how I lived.  I didn't rock the boat.  I didn't commit to anything because I never felt sure that God was calling me to participate.  Necessity was the only catalyst for change in my life.  Until now.

A few weeks ago, I did something very out of character for me.  I registered to run a half marathon.  I'm going to blame it on the runner's high I had going after sweating through my little three-mile route that morning.  Every once in a while I wonder how I'm going to train for a half marathon while working full time and going to school, but for some reason, I'm excited about it.  I'm excited about committing to something, finally taking action.  If I'm going to be completely honest, I must also tell you that I have googled many a training program and started none of them...hey, one commitment at a time, man!  The point is, since then, I have become acutely aware of the fact that God wants us to be active participants in our own lives.  Yes, we should seek his will, but we should also question whether our waiting is ruled by wisdom or by fear.

Yesterday, while reading Velvet Elvis (loving it so far, but not finished with it, so don't take this as a recommendation just yet), I was drawn to the biblical reference to "[make] the best use of the time because the days are evil."  All afternoon, that phrase kept popping into my thoughts, peeking around behind grocery lists and "why hasn't he called?"s.  Having the summers free really drives home the truth of how much time I have, and if I had to write down the ways in which I spent that time, I would need only a scrap of paper and a handful of Webster's words.  So what do I do about it?  What am I doing now to further God's kingdom?  What am I doing to make the most of the life that I have been given?  How am I enjoying this blessing?

Because I am both cautious and stubborn, and because God created me and knows this about me, he led me right back to Ephesians 5:16 last night.  I was on the hunt for a verse about wisdom and discernment.  I was expecting a lesson in patience, but instead, I got a question.  What are you waiting for, Leslie?  You know what my will is.  I want people to know me and be in relationship with me.  I want my children to encourage and love one another.  Yes, I want you to desire me more than life, but I also want you to enjoy your life and the people I have put in it.  In fact, I have commanded it.  So go!  Quit watching everyone and join them!

If this speaks to you at all, I would encourage you to read Ephesians 5 and explore the context of the verse.  I don't want to give the illusion that we are free to live our lives according to our desires.  But I do know that for someone like me - someone who is constantly afraid of making the wrong decision even if the worst consequence is trivial - this message is liberating.  It is freeing to know that we should neither boast in tomorrow (Proverbs 27:1) nor worry about it (Matthew 6:34).  Instead, we make the most of the time that we are guaranteed.  And that time is now!

Funny You Should Mention It

For the past few months...twelve, actually...it seems that every time I go to church, our pastor speaks specifically about the things that have been on my mind and heart that week.  Is it any wonder, then, that I furiously scrawled Romans 12:12 in my journal this morning?

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

How are these three things connected, and why would they be immediately followed with a command to "contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality" (Romans 12:13)?  Here's what I think...

We celebrate our hope because it is what brings about change and growth.  It motivates us to pursue greater things.  We rely on God through hardship because hope is a process.  We hope for things and in spite of things.  It gets messy as we endure time and obstacles, and there is a fine line between being the persistent widow and knowing when to accept God's "no."  This is why we have to pray.  God wants us to present to him the desires of our hearts so that he can fulfill them or refine them.  Every good thing comes from the Lord (1 Timothy 4:4), and his character is revealed to us as we seek him (Jeremiah 29:12-13).  Through constant prayer and searching God's word, we are able to discern the good desires from the expectations that do not line up with his will.  God knows this is not an easy pursuit, so he commands the community of believers to encourage and challenge one another.  By serving each other, we purposefully use our time of waiting.  And who knows?  We just might find that God has used us to turn someone else's hope into a reality!

. . .

And now, a complete change of topic.  Rachel, this is for you.  Sadly, I already had a picture...please scroll quickly and pay no attention to the hair!

I have danced for thirteen years!

I have danced with ribbons, and with boys, and with myself.
I have danced fast and slow and on and off the beat.
And I'll be darned if my feet don't find a boogie when the music plays...or even when it doesn't!

Here's Hopin'!

But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more.

Psalm 71:14 (ESV)

Hope is an act of courage, a willingness to dream something better than our current circumstances without a guarantee that our vision will eventually become circumstance.  I have hoped for many things in my life.  Some of those hopes have been fulfilled, some have been refined and rejected, and others still linger no matter how hard I try to push them aside.  If you talk to me for any length of time, you will know what my hopes are.  They find their way into conversations, sometimes spoken gently and wistfully, sometimes spoken in confusion and bitterness...and sometimes not spoken aloud but reflected in my silence.  It is a dangerous thing to hope.  It makes us vulnerable to disappointment and even shame.  But it is more dangerous to live without hope, to be resigned to what is, to refuse the thought of what could be.  That is why I have decided to hope in God's greater plan, to dare to imagine that his calling on my life is more adventurous and fulfilling than anything I could create on my own.  So here's hoping in the adventure that starts today...and in all the fun and funny things along the way!