running in place

I lied to Layla today.  On my way out the door, I told her I wouldn't be long at the gym.  Well, guess what. I was long at the gym.  I was three times as long as I thought I would be.  Two miles turned into six.  It may have been the guy two treadmills down who was pounding out his own record.  Or the guy hovering behind the machines and standing close to mine thinking that because I was the only girl, surely I would be the first to hop off (wrong, dude!).  Or it may have been the thought of the two brownies I ate today.  Whatever it was, it worked.  Yea for surprise victories!

P.S. I kind of can't feel my left leg.  A small price to pay.

My Heart

Thank you, Katie for introducing me to my new favorite website and for always pointing me back to my old favorite love.  Here's to many more nights of good conversation with a pinwheeled princess and a not-so-ballady backup singer.  Love you, cuz!

Losing My Resolve

I haven't made New Year's resolutions since I was in high school because, let's face it, by March 1st I've already failed, and that's just no fun.  Today, my pastor repeated a phrase that he incorporates in A LOT of our sermons: God loves the you that you are now, not some future version of you.  And amen to that, because guess what...if I compare the me I am now to the me I was ten years ago, not a lot has changed, so I can't expect a lot to change in the next ten years.  I'm still going to fall short, lack faith, act unwisely, and choose lesser delights over the joy of pursuing the Lord.  So instead of pretending that I can solve this problem by writing down three personal goals each year until I have a halo floating over me, I think I'll start the new year with a prayer.

God,
You know my heart, and you know how difficult these last few months have been.  I thank you so much for not giving up on me...for not letting me be content with being far from you.  Thank you for redeeming these trials in my life and giving meaning and purpose to my pain.  I pray that you would continue to work in me and to increase my desire for you.  I pray that this year, you would move me to pursue you with everything I have...all of my energy, time, talents, thoughts, words, relationships...everything.  Lord, let me be disciplined and find delight in meeting with you.  Surround me with godly women who can encourage and challenge me to hold you higher than any other person or thing in my life.  Show me opportunities to minister to others, and then give me the boldness and humility to be obedient in those opportunities.  Lord, destroy my selfishness and reveal to me the areas of my life that I refuse to give to you.  Open my hand and remind me that all that I have is a blessing from you; it is not mine to hold.  God, I thank you for your sovereignty, and I pray that as I plead with you for the desires of my heart, you would help me to ask with expectation and with a humble understanding that your ways are not my ways and your thoughts are not my thoughts.  Lord, I pray that you would restore hope to me this year, even if my prayers aren't answered in the next 366 days.  God, I thank you for remaining faithful even when I am faithless.  I pray that this year, my eyes would be opened to your faithfulness, and my heart would be captivated by your very personal and deliberate love for me.  Thank you for listening to my prayers, and I pray all of these things in Jesus' name.
Amen.